Fifteen things FM taught us that you should know.

1. Faux brown owls are perched outside the Malkin Athletic Center to scare away birds from defecating on parked cars. (“Give a Hoot, Stop Defecating on Cars,” April 18, 2002.)

2. The front door labeled “Emergency Exit” at Lamont is for students who get locked in after the 12:45 a.m. closing time. You can use it during the day and no alarm will sound. ("Harvard Explained," May 2, 2002.)

3. The best way to make a fake penis is “filling three condoms with hair gel—two small balls and one large tube—and tying it all together in the foot of a pair of panty-hose.” (“A Drag Diary,” April 24, 2003.)

4. How to breakdance. Sample move: “Legs should be completely spread, and all your weight should be on your hands.” (“Clip ’n Save: The Fifteen-Minute Guide to Learning How to Breakdance,” February 27, 2003.)

5. University President Lawrence H. Summers has a mean serve. (“Fifteen-Love,” April 3, 2003.)

6. Summers makes for a great jack-o-lantern. (“Clip ’n Save: Jack O’Larry,” October 30, 2003.

7. Summers is on a modified Atkins diet. Okay, we’re obsessed. (“Economies of Scale,” December 4, 2003.)

8. The Faroe Islands, home country of Hans Mikkelson ’06, are located between Scotland and Iceland. (“All Hans on Deck,” October 24, 2002.)

9. Betty Friedan is a self-proclaimed Dior girl. (“Gentlemen Prefer to be Blondes,” November 20, 2003.)

10. How to prepare corpses for air travel, per Kurt L. Chauviere ’04: “You strap them in a box, embalm them, put in a couple of pillows—it’s just like putting someone to bed.” (“I Paint Dead People,” October 23, 2003.)

11. The first time Dean of the College Benedict H. Gross ’71 met his future wife, she called him an asshole. (“Lights, Camera, Algebraic Topology!” October 23, 2003.)

12. The biggest turkey ever caught in Texas found a home in the common room of Nicholas P. Orenstein ’05—after he shot it at age seven. (“He’s Got Game,” December 5, 2002.)

13. Harvardgop.com isn’t what you think it is. (“Harvard GOPorn,” December 5, 2002.)

14. You can weld at the Harvard Physics Machine Shop in the basement of Lyman. (“If I Had a Blow Torch, I’d Blow Torch in the Morning,” April 10, 2003.)

15. “Once you have made love to a man who eats Goulash, you will never go back.” (“Hungary for Some Lovin’,” October 2, 2003.)