Refining the Rivalry

Sure, Harvard students pretty much know what accessories to bring and what to leave at home when it comes to the Game—bring the bulletproof vest, leave the jewels—but the issue of what manners to follow or ignore is a bit more tricky. Is it excusable to “wrestle to the ground first, ask questions later” when surprised from behind? Should one hold doors open for Yalies? FM enlists the help of Jodi R. R. Smith (Ms. Mannersmith), founder and president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting in Newton, Mass., to ensure that Harvard also wins the battle of manners. Ms. Mannersmith has been the guest of honor at Women in Business’s etiquette dinner for the past three years and has worked with the Quad Houses to spread her gospel of courtesy down Garden Street. According to Ms. Mannersmith, the best way to strut your stuff etiquette-wise is to err on the side of the proper and polite to “make sure those Yalies can’t say anything bad about anything you do.”

Attire

If Ms. Mannersmith were to hold us to the very strictest standards, the average Harvard-Yale t-shirt probably wouldn’t pass muster. After all, she says, “the idea is to cheer and have spirit for your team without being nasty.” But if you’re really itching to break out that spirited “Yuck Fale” t-shirt, even Ms. Mannersmith allows that “this is your chance to be young and crazy, so go for it.” And since it will probably be freezing anyway, “a regular Harvard sweatshirt, mittens, scarf and down parka” will serve to shield your insulting inclinations from Yale’s more sensitive souls. Unless your scarf covers most of your face, do also keep in mind that while some artistically inspired crimson face paint constitutes healthy school spirit, writing ‘Yale sucks’ across your cheeks trespasses beyond what Ms. Mannersmith calls “the fine line between displaying school spirit and talking trash.”

Tailgates!

For Ms. Mannersmith, the ideal college tailgate fare would include barbecue food—hot dogs and hamburgers—and snacks. With the caveat that “as an etiquette consultant” she would never encourage underage drinking, Ms. Manersmith suggests “hot peppermint schnapps” and “hot toddies.” If you are the type to head straight for the keg, consider the issue of temperature—“cold beer on a freezing cold day,” Ms. Mannersmith pauses for dramatic effect, “not so fun.”

With copious amounts of UC and House-funded alcohol and food available, you may be tempted to grab as much as you can, while you can. Ms. Mannersmith reminds the greedy to “always have one hand free” and to not attempt eating and drinking at the same time. Balancing two beers and a plate piled high with munchies is a bit precarious and could easily lead to another breach of tailgate etiquette—spilling drinks on another person’s car.In the book of hurling protocol, the bathroom ranks as the number one place to vomit, with the handy flushing capabilities of the toilet and easily accessible running water. The silver medalist—and the more practical course of action if you are in the middle of a field—is “running as far away from other people so they don’t have to see, hear or smell you throw up,” Ms. Mannersmith says. And if worst comes to worst, she adds, there’s always the ever-convenient plastic bag.

Unfortunately for those who cling to decorum even in their most inebriated moments, some actions just don’t have a place in the code of manners. “Throwing up in someone’s car or on your neighbor—it’s probably impossible to do that politely,” Ms. Mannersmith maintains, recounting the story of one prominent Yalie’s vomit-related faux pas. Ms. Mannersmith’s final judgment on Bush Sr.’s throwing up on a Japanese dignitary while on tour in Japan? “He would’ve been better off throwing up on his wife than the prime minister.” Revellers who hobnob with dignitaries, beware—and stand far, far away.

Sleeping with “The Enemy”

“You have to be able to draw the line between good-natured ribbing and really being obnoxious,” Ms. Mannersmith explains. Adopting a rah-rah spirit is all very well, but “questioning people’s mothers’ marital status,” Ms. Mannersmith says, is definitely an etiquette no-no. And even if the drunken Yalies do the same, Ms. Mannersmith espouses the moral high ground. “When it gets nasty, ignore it and move away.”

And though Ms. Mannersmith cautions students against hooking up when drunk for safety reasons, this other favorite post-drinking activity is still very much available. When asked about the propriety of fraternizing with the enemy—hooking up with Yalies—Ms. Mannersmith laughed, “It shows very sportsmanlike behavior to be able to socially interact with members from the opposite campus.” Suddenly, being a good sport doesn’t look so bad after all.