Life of Brian: Clemens is no Mr. October

For all that was made of Seattle’s magical regular-season run, the Yankees sure disposed of the Mariners pretty quickly. Most Seattle fans were seeing the writing on the wall by about the third inning Monday night—maybe even sooner, if you consider Lou Piniella’s pea-brained decision to start Aaron Sele (0-6 lifetime in the postseason) over Freddy Garcia in a must-win game at The Stadium. What was he thinking?

Anyway, the Yanks made such quick work of the M’s, it’s easy to overlook how close the Mariners came to making a go of it against the three-time defending champs. In Game Four last Sunday, the M’s had a golden opportunity to tie the series up and make sure it would return to Seattle. It was a game that the Mariners could and should have won, if for no other reason than because they were facing the only guy who’s a bigger chump than Sele in the postseason—Roger Clemens.

Instead, Seattle let Clemens off the hook with another passable playoff outing. In an effective but hardly unforgettable performance by both starters, Clemens and Seattle’s Paul Abbott combined to give up just one hit but 12 walks. Both were pulled after five innings of work—well before the fate of the crucial game was settled—and each received a no-decision.

If you’re Piniella, this is pretty good news. Your Game Four starter just gave you five scoreless innings and gave your team a legitimate shot to win on the road. All things considered, not a bad job by Abbott.

But what if you’re Joe Torre? Are you content that your starting pitcher has simply given you a chance to win, instead of an actual win? This is Roger Clemens you’ve sent to the hill—not some run-of-the-mill, Game Four-type starter, but actually, according to the pitching setup in the Oakland series, your staff ace. Somehow, I think, you have to be hoping for a little better than five-and-out from your ace.

And yet that’s the funny thing. After watching Clemens fall flat on his face in his first two playoff starts—not to mention his entire postseason career—Clemens’ performance Sunday was viewed by most as a solid outing. By now, Yankees fans are fairly happy as long as Clemens doesn’t totally screw up.

On Sunday, Abbott and Clemens were basically each other’s equals. They both pitched five innings, threw almost the same number of pitches and gave up one hit or less. Come to think of it, their regular season numbers weren’t too dissimilar either. In 2001, Clemens received more than six runs per game from his mates, helping him to an impressive 20-3 record. Abbott, meanwhile, received seven-plus runs per game in 2001, lifting him to a similarly remarkable 17-4 mark.

At least on the surface, Abbott and Clemens have a lot in common, and on Sunday, they were effectively the same pitcher. Except, of course, for one tiny difference—one of them has been wholly dismissed this season because of all the run support he received, while the other is the odds-on favorite for the Cy Young Award.

Hmmm.

By now, we’ve all heard about the relative merits of the other Cy Young candidates in the American League, and frankly, they are pretty compelling. Oakland’s Mark Mulder had more wins (21) with a better ERA. He also threw six complete games, four for shutouts; Clemens didn’t go the distance once. Seattle’s Freddy Garcia had an ERA almost half a run lower than Clemens (3.05 to 3.51), while holding opposing hitters to a league-low .225 average. You might even make a case for Clemens’ teammate, Mike Mussina, who came within one out of a perfect game and finished the year with 17 wins despite receiving one of the lowest run-support totals in the league.

But because of the fact that he’s old as dirt, Clemens remains the sentimental favorite. Forget the fact that by this logic, Jamie Moyer might make an even better candidate than Clemens; Roger, somehow, remains the darling of the media. It’s enough to make me cringe in disgust. The playoffs aren’t supposed to figure into the balloting, but when I see guys like Randy Johnson and Curt Schilling—both of whom have dominated this October—contending for the same award as Clemens, it just doesn’t seem right.

Big games, we all know, have never been Roger’s strong point (see: 5-6 record in 19 career playoff starts). This year has been no different. In three starts, he has three no-decisions. In two of those outings, he didn’t even make it out of the fourth inning. Sheesh.

Some will defend Clemens, pointing to the hamstring injury that suddenly flared up as soon as Oakland starting wailing on him in Game One of the ALDS. Who knows, maybe Roger actually was playing hurt. With Clemens, though, it’s always something—a pulled groin, a sore hamstring or a hangnail. By now, Roger is pretty much the boy who cried wolf. And whether he fakes his injuries or not, whether he asks out of games or not, the reality is, for one reason or another, he always disappears when the game is on the line. Most annoying of all, Roger never pays the price because of the guys he has playing around him.

Sunday’s game was just the latest example. Once again, Roger Clemens took the mound for the Yankees and New York prevailed. Once again, one thing had nothing to do with the other.

The Yankees are a team of clutch performers, no doubt about it—Roger just isn’t one of them. Bernie Williams is a clutch player. So is Derek Jeter. And Andy Pettitte. And Mariano Rivera. And, I suppose, Scott Brosius. Hell, I will even buy Luis Sojo.

But not Roger. In the history of sports, there might not be any other player who has ever been along for the ride more so than him. This postseason, like so many others before it, has revealed himself for what he truly is—a sidenote. The idea that he “carried” the Yankees at any point this season is laughable. So, too, is the thought that he might win a sixth Cy Young by virtue of a win-loss record that is more inflated than Don Zimmer.

Yankee fans are not without their faults, but at least they get it when it comes to Clemens. They don’t embrace him and never have. He’s a hired gun to them. Perhaps they’ve also noted that he’s big and dumb and throws bats at people. Really, what’s to like?

But if it’s true that New York doesn’t love Roger, he doesn’t want to hear it. Clemens has indicated on numerous occasions that when he goes into Cooperstown, he will be wearing a Yankees cap. Why? Because, he says, he won a World Series with the Yankees.

This statement is not entirely true, of course. Roger has not won a championship with the Yankees; the Yankees have won it with him.