Campaign 2004: A Preview

Voting in a presidential election can be like trying to predict the future. One must choose one of two candidates, in hopes that his decisions and policies over the next four years will be wise, or at least relatively sane. In order to assist your decision-making process, the following are two scenarios about what might happen under either a Gore, or a Bush, administration. The New York Times, May 24, 2004:

Gore Poised to Defeat Challenger in November: WASHINGTON: In a ceremony on the White House lawn today, President Al Gore announced the invention of the newest generation of the Internet, Internet-IV. On the heels of a poll showing Gore leading his Republican challenger by 10 points in November's re-election contest, Gore showed no signs of slowing down his administration's agenda and used his speech to review some of its major accomplishments to date.

"As a result of this administration's reinventing government efforts, the Code of Federal Regulations has been pared down to an eight-page pamphlet," Gore said. The pamphlet, claimed by many as emblematic of Gore's successes at streamlining the federal government, is available via the Internet at http://www.whitehouse.gov.

Gore also emphasized the major accomplishments his administration has encouraged in the area of science and technology. In 2002, Gore implemented his plan to broadcast a continuous satellite image of the Earth, and mandate that all cable television providers carry the new Earth Channel. Gore also claimed credit for recent advances in mobile phone technology and computer processing speed.

President Gore again claimed that this administration is the most accessible in recent memory, citing his weekly "e-mail town hall" forums as evidence. Vice President John Kerry's numerous television appearances have contributed to the high profile of the administration, and late-night talk show hosts have taken to calling Vice President Kerry by a nickname he earned while he was a Senator from Massachusetts, "Live Shot."

All analysts are pointing to an easy re-election for Gore-Kerry this November, propelled in large part by the support of the influential Buddhist community, which rose to political prominence after Gore's election in 2000. As well, Gore's approval ratings remain high after his high-profile role in putting down a possible rebellion in the state of Texas, led by its rogue governor, defeated 2000 Presidential candidate George W. Bush. Gore's use of the newly-created National Park Service "Controlled Burn" Strike Force was lauded by military analysts and the public as a unique solution to an intractable problem.

Bush in Line for Re-Election Victory: KENNEBUNKPORT, MAINE: From the summer White House in Kennebunkport, President George W. Bush today expressed confidence that his re-election bid would be successful, after the release of polls showing him 10 points ahead of his Democratic challenger, and touted the accomplishments of his first three and a half years in office.

The economy, he said, should keep growing at its rapid pace. The stock market was up 1000 points yesterday on the news of the release of Microsoft's Windows 2005, which will be available for all computers, televisions, radios, and household appliances on June 30.

Said Secretary of Commerce Bill Gates, "Under this Republican administration, the free market has flourished; we've come a long way since the days of Democratic antitrust witch hunts." The Dow Jones industrial average is expected to hit a record high of 30,000 within the next month. Investors were particularly exuberant this week after the announcement that the bug in Windows 2004, in which the newly-functional Internet refrigerator plug-in caused widespread failures during Fourth of July weekend last year, will be fixed in the new version.

In the area of crime prevention, Bush emphasized two major successes of his administration: The passage of the National Concealed Weapons Authorization Act of 2001, and the successful implementation of its pledge to conduct 1,000 federal executions in its first 1,000 days. "The right to carry concealed handguns is now ensured for all Americans, thanks to the efforts of this administration," said Attorney General Charlton Heston.

Bush did not mention what many consider the most high-profile failure of his administration, in the area of foreign policy. At the administration's first state dinner, the President mistakenly referred to the President of Turkey as the "Shah of Turkmenistan," and the people of the country as "Turkeys." The resultant diplomatic repercussions resulted in the State Dinner Conflict of 2002, which ended with an official apology and the resignation of the Secretary of State.

Bush will return to the White House next Monday, after a week spent recreating with "First Dad" George Bush Sr. On Tuesday, he plans to inaugurate the newly-completed White House shooting range, on the site of the former jogging track.

Noelle Eckley '00 is an environmental sciences and public policy concentrator in Dunster House. This is her final column.