Politics and Potables

Tonight's debate marks a critical stage in the neck-and-neck presidential race, and students should follow the debate closely. As one way to encourage debate-watching, I propose the following harmless debate game involving the drinking of ginger ale, tonic water or another Faculty of Arts and Sciences approved beverage. Those who follow the rules most dutifully are the winners. Good luck, and enjoy the debates.

Take a drink every time Vice President Al Gore '69:

--says he will "fight for you."

--praises "working families" rather than non-working families.

--rails against "HMO bean-counters."

--describes a corporate entity or industry as "Big."

--recalls the Clinton legacy forgetting to mention Bill Clinton.

--contrasts "the people" and "the powerful."

--panders.

--somehow reminds viewers that he went to Vietnam.

--promises that his Medicare and Social Security "lock-box," unlike that of his opponent, will be "iron-clad."

--draws an unclear distinction between "Social Security minus" and "retirement security plus."

--uses the phrase "risky tax scheme."

Take a drink every time Texas Gov. George W. Bush:

--pledges to "leave no child behind." (Drink twice if Bush promises to end, "what I like to call the soft bigotry of low expectations.")

--says that he is, "a uniter, not a divider."

--mispronounces something.

--promises to "lead" where the Clinton Administration has "failed."

--calls a Medicare drug benefit a "government HMO."

--mispronounces something else.

--sums up his foreign policy by saying that democracy is our nation's most important export.

--misstates the size of any of his budget proposals.

--mentions the "honor and dignity" of the office.

--executes someone.

--smirks.

Take a drink when either candidate:

--waxes eloquent about how he loves his wife and/or his family and/or Jesus.

--tells an only slightly related personal anecdote.

--promises to fulfill the "hopes and dreams" of ordinary Americans like yourself.

Special Bonus Round

Bush was a member of the Skull & Bones secret society at Yale. It is rumored that if the phrase "skull and bones" is used by a non-member, tradition prescribes that members leave the room. Should Gore use this phrase and should Bush leave the debate early, take a long drink, 'cause it's all over.

Postscript

Looking ahead to the vice presidential debate on Thursday, be prepared to drink every time:

--former Defense Secretary Richard B. Cheney is forced to explain an embarrassing Congressional vote or Halliburton corporate policy.

--Sen. Joseph I. Lieberman (D-Conn.) slyly hints that he is, in fact, Jewish.

--STEPHEN E. SACHS