HEAD OF THE CLASS

THERE COMES A TIME IN EVERY SENIOR'S LIFE when he must rise and face three questions: What is your height? What is your weight? And what is your hat size? Harvard Coop cap and gown consultant Joseph E. Sicari, who has been measuring Harvard seniors' heads for 10 years, says men are sensitive about their height, and women have issues revealing their weight. But disclosing the size of their noggins truly strips people down to their greatest bodily fear. "The graduates come in groups, and everyone is afraid of being the one with the biggest head." Sicari explains. "Some people get all flustered."

An average head measures between seven and a quarter to seven and a half inches, but some Harvard students, believe it or not, register eight inches or more. At Harvard, where swelled egos and bloated brains prosper, people are particularly conscious of their head size. According to Sicari, the majority of huge-headed people try to blow off their shame with comments like, "It's probably all the knowledge I have."

In addition, anxieties about massive head growth over the course of students' Harvard careers abound. "Somehow they believe their heads have exploded," Sicari says. Even if their craniums have not expanded during their Harvard careers, there are still plenty of head cases.

Before the had his picture taken for the year-book, Constantine M. Caraminis '99 says he had no idea his head size was an issue. "I think my head has reasonable proportion," he says. "If it's disproportionately large, I never thought about it." His perceptions were warped when, as part of the shoot, he had to don a cap and gown from the photographer's wardrobe. Unfortunately, all of the mortarboards were too small. "The woman just kept making these comments like, 'You must have a lot of brain in there,'" Caraminis recalls.

Yoni E. Braude '99 says he won a debate over who had the biggest head in the dining hall one night. He attributes his win not to the sheer girth of his skull but the size of his hair, which is black and curly.

The idea of calculating head proportions fascinates Zachary L. Shrier '99, who says he believes that size does matter. "I tend to think I have an above-average size head." He came to this conclusion after measuring his own head at the Coop. While most seniors defer to head professionals, he just grabbed a tape measure and did it on his own. To his horror, he discovered that his head falls between two hat sizes. "I could either get a nice snug cap and get a headache or get the bigger one and have it falling over my eyes," he says. "I chose the more comfortable, less fashionable of the two."

Although Shrier admits he is nervous about what will happen to his cap on June 10, he says all he cares about is seeing Alan Greenspan. And when all the caps fly, that quarter of an inch difference won't matter anyway.