How To: Conquer the Mac

the weight room:

Start with some curls. The MAC offers both 10-pound and 65 pound dumbbells for precise targeting of your fitness level. Move on to the weight bench. Making your chest and shoulders as large as possible, ask >=Can I work in with youse guys?<= Gauge the current occupant s response. If his neck expands to a diameter greater than your waist (see diagram), just leave.

the nautilus machines:

The workout of the 21st century awaits in the small hallway between the men s and women s locker rooms. Cutting-edge technology works muscles you never knew you had as the surrounding mirrors reflect your progress. Complain loudly about your >=gluts<= (pronounced >=gloo-ts<=) to passers-by. Be sure to wear the safety belt when using the lat machineayou d look like a fool otherwise.

the cardio workout:

Warm up by jogging up the three flights of stairs to the balconies that overlook the gym. Towel off the nearest available erg machine and strap yourself in. Use a small screwdriver to detach the front panel; clip the red wire to make the LCD monitor display three times your actual speed. (see diagram). After sweating that decision out, give a few healthy strokes to impress the girl on the Stairmaster next to you.

the gymnasium:

For this step, you ll need a friend. Watch Grays take on Weld in the Freshman IM Basketball Championships. Squeeze in a few rounds of badminton between men s volleyball practice and the ballroom team s merengue class, then join a friendly game of >=21<=. Enjoy a few rounds of light sparring to dispute your opponent s ref-

ereeing skills.