Groovy Train: 1999 Post-Spring Break Quiz

1. If you have a golden brown tan, you should be sure to wear:

A) All white (tennis whites)ato emphasize the tan using the ever-subtle >=contrast<= method.

B) Yellow. A plastic jumpsuit with nuclear symbols on the shoulders to warn people that you ve absorbed enough waves to defrost a pizza pocket.

C) Brown. Match that tan with the corresponding J. Crew hueatry >=Cocoa,<= >=Chocolate,<= >=Tobacco<= or >=Brown.<= Relish the trompe l oeil effect as onlookers gasp, >=Dude! You re naked!<=

D) Tan-o-Ramma T-shirt. Be honest with the world and admit itayou stayed in Cambridge to sample the latest in tanning technology.

2. The braided >=corn-cob<= style hair isn t working in Cambridge. You should:

A) Call Gino. At home. Plan to pay extra for emergency hair resuscitation.

B) Scissors. Hack those nasties out and then head to the Coop to purchase a standard issue baseball cap. Next step, read >=How To: Curl A Hat Brim<= (FM, March 11, 1999.)

C) Work that Diaspora, girlfriend! Why not go all the way and affect a Caribbean accent, wear a floral wrap skirt and offer your braiding services to unsuspecting American roommates.

D) Safety first. Now that your scalp is so strikingly visible, take the opportunity to examine your craniumafeel for bumps, check for leaks and evict any resident lice.

3. You re sick of answering >=the question<= with the lame truthayou spent spring Break at home. You should:

A) Complain that the Keys were just torturous this year thanks to the idiotic resort staff (>=can t find good help<=), Mom and Dad (>=as usual<=) and tennis elbow (>=despite the new racket<=).

B) Lick your lips, roll your eyes back and coo gently. Remark with reverence that the powder in Telluride was positively orgasmic this year.

C) Say the words: >=awesome,<= >=solid<= and >=kick ass.<= Then retell the >=hilarious<= story about >=booting<= in the pool with the >=chick<= when you were >=totally shit faced.<= Finish with vigorous high-five slapping.

D) Hold your head high and confess to watching Talk Soup and compulsively viewing every >=VH1 Behind the Music<= documentary. No need to admit to organizing your inbox.

4. Which of the following statements is/are false?

A) Teva sport sandals are properly pronounced >=Tea-vah.<= Individuals who say >=Tay-vah<= or >=Teehv-ah<= are idiots and probably own the Teva s with garish floral patterning on the strapping.

B) Kahlua is a respectable, grown-up liquor. On Fridays, Harvard professors often order Kahlua on the rocks at the Faculty Club.

C) Peddle-pushers are casual women s slack which reach to the mid-calf. The term came into existence in the 1940s in America.

D) Capri pants are casual women s slacks which reach to the lower calf. The term derives from capric acid, an organic acid (C10H20O2) found as a glyceride in goat fat. Capri pants earned their name in England in the 1920s when a gentleman remarked that a woman wearing ankle-length summer pants looked like a pudgy goat.