those stinky, nasty feet

THROUGHOUT THE WINTER, THE SELF-CONSCIOUS masses can mask their smelly feet problems with boots, leather armor and thick socks. But when warm weather brings out daisy dukes, tube tops and the requisite strappy sandals, rancid foot sufferers are caught in a bind. Do they dare to bear their toes and risk losing their friends to the stench? Smelly feet aren't a total loss. Andrew D. Hackbarth '99 attributes the name of his party-prone room in Kirkland House, The Swamp, to his roommate's notorious foot odor problem. But usually, the revealing skin of open toe cleavage, spaghetti strap fronts and backless heels loses all appeal when accompanied by a whiff of that pungent foot smell caused by a combination of rotting skin and bacteria and sweat-sock fungus.

Luckily, for the fume-afflicted, there is hope in some preventative over-the-counter drugstore remedies. Everyone's favorite medical professional, Dr. Scholl's, has a massive stake in the market. With his baby powder scent Odor Destroyers sole inserts ($3.69), users can trim the one-size-fits-all slab of scented cushion to fit the bottom of any shoe. No lefty scissors handy? Realize that these pads might flip and flap away with flip-flops? Coat the inside of your shoe with the Doctor's Shoe Shot deodorant powder ($6.99), featuring a Toilet-Duckstyle neck and Zinoxol, "an advanced odor fighting ingredient." Or try the classic Original Foot Powder ($5.39), a hulking bottle that promises to neutralize foot odor if sprinkled over feet and between toes.

As for other companies, Gold Bond, whose primary product is advertised as a cure for the "male itch," also dips into the foot odor powder business with their stout blue bottles of Gold Bond Medicated Foot Powder with Methanol ($3.77). For a more upscale and superficial remedy, the Body Shop sells Refreshing Foot Spray ($4.50), a blue-tinted watery substance that perfumes tootsie nastiness with rosemary and tea tree oils. Finally, footloose!