How To: Twirl a Pen

Step 1:

Begin with some light stretching. Place palms of hands together in a "prayer" position and gently bend fingers in one direction and hold for five seconds. Take frequent breaks during extended periods of twirling.

Step 2:

Sit with legs crossed and body slouched over 20 degrees from the vertical axis. Support yourself with the elbow of your twirling hand, with hand, elbow and shoulder forming an isosceles triangle. If you are in lecture, tilt your head to one side and stare into space, to show that your complete mastery of the material renders taking notes unnecessary. If you are taking an exam, furrow your brow and stare intently at your blue book. This gives the impression that you need to twirl just to keep your massive brain busy.

Step 3:

Hold pen/pencil between the first and second knuckles of your index and middle fingers. By using your middle finger as the fulcrum and placing your index finger slightly towards the butt end of your pen/pencil, force the non-writing end of the pen/pencil against the webbing between your thumb and index finger. Maintaining this pressure, straighten your fingers slightly, whipping the non-writing end around in a clockwise fashion. Now you can twirl anything!

Step 4:

You should be twirling in short, controlled bursts. Should the pen/pencil suddenly fly out of your hand, DO NOT bend down to pick it up. Sit perfectly still. When attention has been diverted, take out a new pen and start fresh.