BALM-OFF: three critical perspectives

Framed by lip balm on one end and lipliner on the other, girls' middle-school years are marked by revolutionary metamorphoses. A familiar story for our tragic heroes: In fifth grade, make-up piques their interest, for real. Mom's light green Clinique freebie lipstick peppered subtly on petulant mouths, a drama unfolds in the echoing stairwell. "Are you wearing lipstick?"

Balm is a sensitive issue, plagued by flashbacks and the slippery slope to gloss. It takes a grown-up gel to shine and soothe. One silky salve, Kiehl's #1 Lip Balm, would never be caught at the end of a chain. But where would American lips be without a vapo-rub-down or bubble-gum flavored-wax? Softer, lighter, healthier. Balm is best when it comes from Kiehl's.

Spread lightly.

BLISTEX: DCT

Unisexual, really, is the name of the balm game in these parts. With chapping a constant threat, why can't boys join the girl's game of jelly-like muck? While many Harvard alpha-males prefer a phallic stick of lip protection, everyone knows that only a finger-applicant can reach those hard to reach spots on the side of the mouth. For minimal wuss-ness in a can, consider Blistex's Daily Conditioning Treatment (DCT). With an SPF-rating of 15, Blistex DCT provides safe, comfortable and secure balming. And its small size betters many of its larger competitors that seem to thrive in bulkier and unwieldy residences, far too big for the pants-side pocket.

CHAP-ET: lip conditioner

Chap-et brand lip conditioner makes for a miserable accessory to style--the package screams "Christies, 99." But the low-budg aesthetic belies the power and functionality contained within this capsule of conditioning. Chap-et combines the proven wax technology of Chap Stick with a contemporary, fruity fragrance. The result: a subtle, soothing stick. While many balm-snobs may pooh-pooh an "old-fashioned" waxen stick, they fail to realize the attributes which have made the small tubes so popular. With chap-et, no more sticky fingers or goopy bowls of sludge. No astronomical cosmetics bills. No stress of using a gendered product. Just pop the cap, twist and apply.