Playing by the rules

The smell of Tide is in the air, and the calming roar of the dryers creates a soothing and peaceful atmosphere. A girl idly folds her clothes on top of a washer, when a guy looking lost and confused drags in an enormous bag of dirty laundry. The girl looks up, sees the guy and smiles.

Typical Response from Typical College Guy: [insert some witty comment about women's underwear here.]

Typical Response from Harvard Guy: Diverts eyes from said women's underwear, opens up the bag of dirty laundry and begins frantically searching for his detergent to avoid girl's stare.

Scene 2: Eliot House Dining Hall, Wednesday Night.

A girl is sitting and chatting with a group of blockmates after finishing dinner, describing the results of her date last Saturday night with the cute junior in her History of Art and Architecture section. She thought things went well, she says, but after calling him a few days later, she has yet to hear back from him. She rises for a last minute frozen yogurt run and, alas, runs into the boy.

Typical Response from Typical College Guy: "I got your call, and I tried calling you back a few times, but I kept getting your answering machine. I hate leaving impersonal message, so I thought I'd wait until I could talk to you in person." Typical Response from Harvard Guy: "I got your call, and I tried calling you back but I think the directory listed the wrong number. You should look into that." [Girl: "I did, and they fixed it."] "Oh. Well, I've been busy working. Midterms, papers, etc..."

Scene 3: Leverett 80's Dance, Saturday night.

A group of girls are trying to dance in a circle. The cramped room doesn't allow much space for the crowd, brought to its feet by the Culture Club's Karma Chameleon," to move around. One of the girls, sporting the Janet Jackson pre-plastic-surgery-Blazer look, accidently swings around and slaps a guy in the face with her side ponytail.

Typical Response from [slightly buzzed] Typical College Guy: "Hi! I think you lost your scrunchee! Here let me find it for you..." [They start bopping to Cyndi Lauper]

Typical Response from [caffeinated] Harvard Guy: "Ow!" He holds his hand to his cheek and looks at the girl, stunned and speechless. The girl apologizes and turns back to her circle of friends.

Scene 4: Bible section, Thursday afternoon.

The midterm is coming up, and though everyone realizes that no one in the room has even cracked the source book the tension isn't alleviated. When the TF starts asking questions and only gets blank stares in return, one girl sympathizes and decides to make something up. After class, she falls into step with a male classmate exiting Mem Hall 302.

Typical Response from Typical College Guy: "Wow, that stuff you said relating Job to Monica Lewinsky was really insightful! Do you want to study together sometime?"

Typical Response from Harvard Guy: [Tries to muster up the courage to say something to her, but instead decides to run to Loker to grab a bag lunch before it closes.]

Okay, okay, I know these scenarios are a little harsh, but exaggeration is useful when making a point. And it's a point that I've been hearing more and more of the female population on campus making lately, something along the lines of, "We've been following The Rules, but they don't seem to work around here." Maybe it's a bit old-fashioned, but it seems that at Harvard, lots of women are looking to be chased. The catch: No one is willing to do the chasing. Everyone wonders why there are so few dating couples here at Harvard--perhaps someone needs to step up and grab the reins.

I'm not trying to free women of all the blame, but in truth, the independent and headstrong female approaching the new millenium actually seems to revert back to the 18th century when it comes to the opposite sex. Most girls condemn The Rules openly but believe secretly that something will happen if they never make eye contact with a particular guy, instead intimating that they're smiling at the world in general. The Rules are pretty easy to follow correctly, but they only work if some response is illicited. What's the use of always looking good, taking care to ensure that the hair, make-up and outfit is perfect if no one out there is fulfilling their task of doing all the pursuing? And because girls are never, ever supposed to pick up the phone and call a guy (because if the guy is busy at the time you call, he might associate you with being an annoyance or a burden), men just have to be the one to make the first move. And guys, you can't use that excuse anymore that "your number was listed incorrectly in the directory," because we know that they've fixed the numbers by now.

Complaining about the dating scene has become a favorite pasttime among students, but perhaps men have a reason for avoiding entanglement in "the pursuit." Responding to innocent flirtation or going after those who play hard to get may take a turn for the worse. Those "Rape Happens at Harvard" pins are pretty intimidating, and "caution" is definitely a new term in the dating phenomena. Fear of rejection is another hindrance in anyone's plan--maybe the object of your affection smiled at you today in the Yard, but more likely he or she was smiling at the person behind you. And the incentive for girls falls considerably when they remember one option: All those nights out with the girls always turn out to be a lot of fun. Sonia Inamdar is a sophomore living in Lowell House. She hates breaking rules.