Fifteen Minutes: Fifteen Minutes With Dr. Ruth

The (cute Jewish) grandmother of sex therapists, Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer has been in business since

1980,

when she premiered on New York City radio. She has taught at Lehman College, Brooklyn College, Adelphi

University, Columbia University, West Point and New York University. Twice named College Lecturer of the

Year, Dr. Ruth resides in New York, where she has her own private practice. FM caught up with her

recently, and probed her thoughts on Crimson sex, love and everything in between.

FM: At FM we think Harvard students are in trouble because last year a Crimson survey showed that only

40 percent of students had been in a relationship that lasted more than a week while at Harvard. What do

you think that says about Harvard students?

DR: I'm not going to comment because I tell you what: I will never comment on a survey when I don't know how it was done. I am super-careful. I'm very old fashioned and a square. And I would never comment on that. That's not scientifically validated data and just opinions. I have to know how they scribbled down such answers. Do you have something else?

FM: What would your advice be to Type A personalities?

DR: I don't even talk about Type A or Type B. Go ahead, make it different. What would my advice be to what?

FM: To Type A personalities or workaholics who are trying to have relationships?

DR: I can't answer these type of questions--you know in the air like that. What is this article about that you're writing?

FM: Sex and college.

DR: Sex and college? Okay, let me hear the next question. Maybe I can salvage at least one.

FM: How about...do you know what hooking up means?

DR: What is it? No. [Giggles.] Here, something new I'm learning. Go ahead.

FM: Well, hooking up is a term that can mean a variety of things, from, like, kissing someone all the

way to having sex. But in general, it's not after a date. It's usually after a party with alcohol

involved.

DR: Ah yes, okay. Here is my contribution to Crimson weekend. Especially for students who are working very hard and long hours, and they should keep in mind its not a lost cause if they wait with relationships or with actual sexual encounters until they have more time. To engage in a relationship under pressure, or to, God forbid, engage in any sexual activity under pressure or under the influence of alcohol is terrible. It is not a good idea. So, my advice to the students at Harvard, where I have been, where you work very hard is, number one, if you feel sexual tension, to, I don't want to say masturbate, but I would just say take care of themselves. Then everybody will know what I mean. To use the college years to become sexually literate by, for example, reading Sex for Dummies and this way preparing to be fantastic lovers for the rest of their lives. Tell them there is no rush and to certainly never ever to hook up under the influence of alcohol. Any unintended pregnancies or sexually transmitted disease would be a catastrophe for the rest of their lives.

FM: Harvard has a few traditional annual events. One, called Debauchery, is where people try to do the

most scandalous things they can in one evening. People compete in this. Do you think this is a healthy

expression of sexuality?

DR: I would say to put such pressure on these hard working Harvard people is stupid. So, if they have to do something out of the ordinary, have them walk once around the Quad naked. And that's it. To put such pressure is in my way of thinking not a release of tension, but it's more tension to the lives of students, which is difficult enough at a school like Harvard. So if they need some relief, let them get some comic relief by doing something funny. But not put such competitive pressure on having to do something silly to top the next one. [Giggles.]

FM: Do think there are other problems with stress? Would someone under pressure have trouble

performing sexually?

DR: There is no question that stress is the worst adversary to any good sexual functioning for both men and women. And what they have to, what everybody has to realize, is that if they do engage in sex under stress and under pressure and if then it does not work, that's setting a precedent for future sexual functioning. Because if they have not succeeded, if they have been unsuccessful, and then get to worry about it, it really can create very serious problems in the interpersonal relationship and in the issues in the sexual life for the future. So you tell the Harvard people that I say, whoever doesn't have right now a productive, good relationship should take a cold shower. Men and women. But not together. Put it like this. You like that?

FM: Oh, I love that.

DR: They should take showers, dash, dash, not together. Exclamation mark.

FM: Okay. That's great. Do you think there can be a middle ground between this hooking up and an

extremely serious relationship at college?

DR: Look, if two people are lucky and meet in a classroom or at a party even if they have had a little too much to drink doesn't mean that that cannot grow into a serious, fulfilling relationship.

FM: Where did you meet your husband?

DR: I met my husband skiing.

FM: In terms of masturbation, how important is that for college students?

DR: Whoever does engage in masturbatory activity should do it without feeling guilty. And they should do it by knowing that this is not for the rest of their lives. This is just for now until they find a partner. That goes for men, women and homosexuals: everybody.

FM: Another Harvard tradition is that every student is supposed to have sex in Widener Library before

they graduate. How do you feel about sex in libraries or other public places?

DR: First of all, I hope nobody catches them because that would ruin their reputation. I'm not saying that it's not fun to do it, put it in quotations, in a public place if at the same time you know that nobody can catch you. Hold on one second. (Voices saying, "Dropping off Dr. Westheimer.") Hi there. How are you? Thank you! Vicky? They are opening a gate for me at Rockefeller University. It is very nice to be Dr. Ruth. [Giggle.] The library would be fun, but make sure that--number one--you are protected. That either the woman is on a contraceptive or the man has condoms. Don't leave the condoms in the stacks of books. Not even books on sex. Not even books that I have written. [Giggle.] And make sure that nobody catches you. Otherwise I don't think there's anything wrong with it if they have a relationship. Not if they just get somebody who happens to be reading a book.

FM: What should every college student know about sex that not everyone knows?

DR: Here is what you can say. We have in this country of ours the best scientific validated data about human sexual functioning. And I think that every Harvard student owes it to themselves to be sexually literate. Okay? Terrific.

FM: Can I just ask you one more final question?

DR: One more--yeah.

FM: All right. The name of our magazine is Fifteen Minutes, and my editors wanted me to find out if

that is long enough.

DR: No. Say that I said emphatically, N-O. Women need more time to be sexually aroused than men. And to make absolutely sure that there is enough time not only for arousal but also for the resolution phase which is after sex so she gets hugs and kisses and caresses. Okay?

FM: Bye bye. Thank you so much.