groovy train

Oh, yeah. Did anyone notice that the Olympics started a few days back?

Tune in to TNT between 3 a.m. and 9 a.m. to get live coverage of the events all week long. Except we don't have cable. Not that it bothers too many people, with the possible exception of Beth A. Stewart '00.

Encouraging cable-TV watching could be her way of breaking the curve, by sending the mean down faster than the average luge.

And here's another big scoop for The Crimson: Cambridge will be hosting the 32nd Winter Olympiad in 2002.

If current trends continue, by that time the medal winning female figure skaters will still be in their mothers' wombs.

The men's competition, though, should remain unchanged--teeming with tight pants.

Because of the city's meager accommodations, some of the festivities will have to be modified:

The Opening Ceremonies will coincide with the Hasty Pudding's Woman of the Year parade.

Word has it that the Pudding will cooperate with the International Olympic Committee's request that the ancient organization grant the award to Tanya Harding for her supporting role in Breakaway, the 1996 thriller about a mafia hit gone bad.

The luge will now be a contest to see which competitor can suck the most Smirnoff from a rapidly melting ice sculpture in an over-crowded party in Adams B-entry.

The bobsled will be changed to the Bobslate, as premed students frantically search the posh Mass Ave stationery store for the fastest writing four-colored click pen.

The ice hockey tournament will become a two-week long "boat race" at the AD, complementing the lacrosse competitions held there in the fall and spring.

Women's Ice Hockey, of course, will take place in the Fly's back yard--oops, we mean the Bee.

And for the Snowboarding team: marijuana can be easily acquired in the Pit.