Hats Off!

Ugly men use them to obscure as much of their faces as possible, hoping to hide their Phantom-like visages. Women use them to augment a ponytail when doing damage control on bad hair days. Whatever the situation, there's bound to be a reason to wear a baseball cap.

Correction: "Baseball hat," insists Justin Pasquariello '01. His friend Gavin L. Delaney '01 adds, "Only people over 50 say baseball 'cap.''' Since FM has only been around a few years, "baseball hat" it is.

Some prefer the glaring white "just bought from the Coop" look, but Dana W. Sprong '01 actively combats fitting such stereotypes by wearing a blue one. He says, "I like this hat because it's not white and everyone at my high school thought people who wore white hats were preppy jocks." Dana is proudly non-preppy--but, he's still a jock.

Most hat wearers find they like the comfort of headware that has been around--for years, that is. Adam G. Fisher '00 broke his in through constant sports activity, saying. "I've been wearing this hat for awhile. It's pretty broken in and nasty."

Persecuted by those who don't appreciate the fashion statement made by wearing disgusting, dilapidated baseball hats, Auden C. Velasquez '01 defends his favorite one, saying, "This hat is a part of me! But all the girls in my entryway say I need to get rid of it because it's so gross and crustified. I've had it for three years though, and I can't let it go. Women just do not understand."

A few wearers put their hats through unspeakable torture (at least for a hat) before they are content to put them on their heads. Pasquariello explains, "This hat was too small for my head, so I ripped out the netting stuff inside and took out the stitching with a stitch remover. Then I used sandpaper to remove any leftover stitching and make holes. "When questioned about his abuse of a new purchase, he responds, "This is what people do in my hometown."

For women in the Harvard community, reasons for wearing hats don't always reflect the free choice that characterizes our beloved democracy. Malia Spotts, who works full time at the Seattle's Best Coffee cart in the Science Center, expresses disgust with her occupation's haberdashery requirements. "I hate all hats, but baseball hats in particular," she complains. "I have to wear it all the time for this job," she explains, adding, "sometimes I try to get out of wearing it, but they remind me to put it on. When I don't wear it, people don't recognize me."

Gabrielle B. Dreyfus '01 is proud of hers, which she says "is on semi-permanent loan from my brother. I like it because it was broken in. it's black and it's cooler than my other hats. There are a lot of stories behind this hat." Most of them involve the large red letter "F" emblazoned on the front of her hat. Dreyfus explains. "People are always asking what the 'F' means. I think a lot of them think it means 'fuck.'"