Idol Hands Do the Devil's Work

Back in the day, sometime before adopting a stylish sense of ironic detachment, today's collegiate sophisticates paid reverence to teen idols. In that angstful era when first kisses were still wishes, when cuffed jeans, jelly bracelets and crimped hair were still in, the children of the 80s absorbed Duran Duran, Madonna and Tiffany.

Before Dawson and his creek were even a twinkle in his parent's eyes, prepubescents clamored in their living rooms to watch "Growing Pains" and "Who's the Boss," with then-hotties Kirk Cameron and Alyssa Milano. "Alyssa was awesome and she got better with time," says Joel R. Pollack '99. "Her character developed as the show developed. If I was watching TV and she happened to be on, it made my day." Pollack is quick to add, "This was in sixth grade." (He has not, therefore, seen Milano's breakthrough performance in 1994's lesbian vampire blockbuster, "The Nosferatu Diaries.") In the movies, the Brat Pack was summarily revered for bespeaking this generation's collective adolescence. "I loved Molly Ringwald," gushes an anonymous Leverett House senior, "because she always got the hot guy."

Since the halcyon days of junior high, though, teen idols have deteriorated from wholesome sitcom characters and 80s excess into the over hyped likes of the Spice Girls, Mariah Carey, Hanson, Leonardo DiCaprio and the Backstreet Boys. Strangely enough, the Spice Girl's teeny-bopper fans notice no implicit contradiction between one of their role models proclaiming the mantra "Girl Powah" and then posing nude for Playboy.

Rachel J. Eisenhaure '02 says, "When I was younger, [male teen idols] used to actually look male. Now they're androgynous. Like Hanson. The first time I saw them, I thought they were girls, especially the middle one." Today's boy wonders look more and more like someone's little brother (or sister, for that matter) than bastions of masculinity. In the past, Elvis had his muscled pelvic gyrations and the members of Duran Duran, under all the eye shadow and leather, were still unquestionably men.

The 90s, though, are a decade of pedophilia: Prince William, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Elijah Wood and Hanson look like fresh-eyed dough babies in comparison to the heroes of yore. "It's a reversal of gender roles," postulates Tse W. Lim '02. "Older men have traditionally young girls. Girls these days are liking younger and younger guys."

In the harsh and fickle world of teen chic, kings are crowned and deposed every fifteen minutes. MC Hammer's shiny balloon pants soon popped and Vanilla Ice thawed from chill to slush in a matter of days. The New Kids on the Block lasted only as long it took to learn Jordan-Joe-Donnie-Jon-Danny's names. "I stopped having any real idols post-NKOTB," says Maureen P. Murphy '01. "I had all the buttons and the sheets and the sweatshirts. I was pretty fanatic about them, but I got a little of sick of it after a while and all of a sudden, with the sweatshirt it was like 'Oh no, I can't wear it anymore.'"

But not all 80s stars have lost their shine. Gabrielle V. Novacek '99 has followed U2 around the world, attending concerts all over Europe. "I still worship Bono. When I was younger, he seemed larger than life and I thought he was gorgeous when I was a kid. When the Greatest Hits came out a couple weeks ago, I lined up in front of Tower Records in the Square at midnight." In addition to Bono's looks, U2's continued popularity is largely due to their ability to change with the times--and to make a political statement. And although most political figures have no sex appeal, revolutionaries have a distinct allure. "Che Guevera was the man," says Saadi Soudavar '00. "He was sucking on Havana's finest before el President said, 'It tastes good."

In any case, true fanatics don't let their ardor flag, regardless of the flack. Tara N. Lasovage '99 explains, "I loved [NKOTB] all the way through high school." Lasovage still has NKOTB posters in her bedroom and-says Jon(ny) Whalberg was definitely her favorite "kid." But she also loves Hanson, despite all their bad press and girly looks. "I'm on the field hockey team," she says. "I wanted to put 'MMM-Bop' on our psyche-up tape, but that didn't go over too well."

The source of this idle idol worship is the "breakdown of the family in our society," says Kyle A. Gilman '02. "Teenagers don't have anyone to look up to in their family, so they fixate on these strange people like the New Kids on the Block."