He Said She Said

What's undeniable about Harvard students is that they know how to be ambiguous. Whether it be on term papers, fake ID's or androgynous fashion selection, people here never want anyone else to know what they really are, or, furthermore, what they really think. Probably even more significantly, vague action extends to the social sphere. Could-be, should-be and should-not-be relationships are all marked by indeterminate phrases heard all too often in conversation between potential mates. Fortunately, Teen FM has the scoop on ambiguity in romantic dialogue, not to mention the common follies of misinterpreters.

THE OPEN INVITATION

Girl: "Hey, I'm going to the party at the ten man tonight...maybe I'll see you there."

Girl is subtlely trying to let guy know that she would like to see him tonight, and that she hopes he comes to the party. But she avoids directly asking him to come with her because she is unsure that he is interested. Signal: She likes him.

Guy thinks: She is definitely not interested. Her use of the word maybe indicates to him that she has other plans and that they do not include him. Interpretation: She doesn't like him.

Guy: "Hey there, what's up. I heard you have an awesome room...I have to see it sometime."

Guy's mentality: Damn, she's cute. He's never heard a thing about her room, but would love the opportunity to stop by. Signal: He likes her.

Girl thinks: He's probably just trying to make small talk. She lives in Jordan, and reasons that since she has a one room double, there could be no way that he heard anything good about it. Interpretation: He doesn't like her.

Girl: "Hey, we should go to lunch sometime."

Girl: She hasn't seen him in awhile. She'd like the chance to catch up. It's not that she's attracted to him at all--she just wants to talk. She meets her girlfriends for lunch all the time, and she has to eat lunch anyway, so she might as well go with him. Signal: She doesn't like him.

Guy: She is being very ambiguous. Guys don't usually make plans in advance to go to lunch with other guy friends--only with girls. She very well might like him, he reasons. Then again, she may just want to talk. Mmmm...lunch...tater tots and sweet, sweet tuna pita--he's losing focus. Interpretation: He has no idea what she is thinking.

THE OBSCURELY SUGGESTIVE QUESTION

Girl: "Hey, I've got a question: hypothetically, if I dated someone I was good friends with, and then broke up, do you think that the two of us would still be friends?"

Girl: She's been thinking about the possibility of them dating for awhile. She is interested in going out with him and wants to know if he likes her. She hopes that she hasn't scared him away, but couldn't think of any other way to get things started. Signal: She likes him.

Guy: He quickly thinks about her and every other guy that the two of them know. He thinks of the guys that she flirts with, that she smiles at and quickly comes to the conclusion that she likes his best friend, who already has two girlfriends of his own, one at Harvard and another at Wellesley. Interpretation: She doesn't like him.

Guy: Hey, you going to CityStep?"

Guy: Unfortunately, this is the closest that any Harvard guy will get to asking out a girl to a formal. Note the lack of object orientation in the question, as well as the noted omission of verb "are" to ensure extreme casual nature. These five words were rehearsed this morning in the shower over and over again, and, quite frankly, he is quite satisfied with his performance. Signal: He likes her.

Girl: She thinks that he is curious to see if she has a date--big deal. If he wanted to ask her, he would just do it. She doesn't see this as a trap. He is just trying to be friendly and start conversation. After all, everyone's thinking about CityStep. Interpretation: He does not like her.

THE PSEUDO REJECTION

Guy: "Hey, I was calling to see if you'd like to go get some coffee."

Girl: "Oh, I can't tonight, but I'd love to some other time. Let's go like on Sunday, okay?"

Guy: Nope. Not gonna happen, he thinks; she is so not interested him that it hurts. At least she was nice enough to pretend that she wants to go with him on Sunday, he reasons. If she had told him what she was doing tonight, it would have been less harsh. He won't bother her again. Interpretation: She does not like him.

Girl: Yes! He called me! She can't wait until Sunday when all her work will be done. I have been waiting to go out with him forever. I wish he had called on a different night though, I have so much to do tonight...oh well...Sunday should be fun. Signal: She likes him (remember, this is Harvard).

THE "IT'S YOUR MOVE-I'M TOO CHICKEN TO MAKE A MOVE MYSELF" EXCHANGE

Guy: "Yeah, sounds good. Well, call me sometime."

Girl: Why did you just say that? I hate that. I hate that SO much. You just trivialized our entire relationship! Am I not good enough for you to call me? Why must I be reduced to worshipping the almighty you, so that I have to call you at your convenience?

If he doesn't have the guts to start something himself, he's not worth her time anyway. She liked him a whole lot more before he said that.

Thought: All of a sudden, she doesn't like him.

Guy: He wasn't even paying attention to what she said. In fact, he was just looking her up and down, suddenly appreciating her good looks and oblivious to the conversation. "What the hell were we just talking about, anyway?," he wonders. Whatever--she's definitely hot. Thought All of a sudden, he likes her.

So ambiguous statements can be interpreted in way too many ways. At Harvard, they're notorious for ending relationships before they even begin. Teen FM's advice: suck it up and be direct. Say something like: "I find you quite attractive, intelligent and funny. I would like to get to know you better. Will you go out with me tomorrow night?" There's nothing ambiguous about this statement and so as long as he/she doesn't say no, you're set.