...IN WITH THE NEW

We are licking our lips and crossing our fingers. Ted Mayer, the new director of Harvard Dining Services, has the right idea. "Food a big thing," he recently said. "It's got to be good, it's got to be nutritious, it's got to be what students want, within reason."

In the spirit of "within reason," Dartboard would like to offer Mayer ten kernels of advice for improving the Harvard dining experience.

10. Serve blueberry muffins at all meals. They taste good. And they're nutritious.

9. Dish names should correlate to food. The dish referred to as "savory baked tofu" is not savory, doubtfully baked and questionably tofu.

8. Vary fruit offerings. The future decision-makers of America need practice making decisions.

7. Offer more low-fat food. Summer is coming. We want to look good at the beach.

6. Chick-fil-A. We have friends who live on Chick-fil-A and Chick-fil-A alone. If it were served in the dining halls, we might see these friends more often.

5. As for the sweet potato souffle--so many calories, so much fat--we simply don't consider slow death by artery stoppage an option.

4. Serve breakfast all-day long. All dining hall food should be so good.

3. GORP (good ol' raisins and peanuts). The ultimate food, the breakfast of champions, the lunch of hikers and the dinner of FOP loyalists. Like George Washington, GORP has no enemies. Unlike marijuana, GORP is a legal high.

2. Get chunky peanut butter. This is a way to do justice to the memory of George Washington Carver, and, anyway, it tastes good.

1. Like Middlebury students, we want ice cream from the masters--Ben and Jerry. This would make Harvard's day.