The Emergence of the Retro-Bike

From Greased Lightning to the Lamborghini Countach LP5000S, those on the inside know that a means of transportation is never merely a means. Amidst these vehicular baubles, enter the retro-bike. Wrapped up in two or four wheels is an ends onto itself--the ultimate accessory that can be excused for its functionality. This budding favorite--second only to the mauve velvet blazer--suits the slightly indie, sometimes artsy and always bespectacled of the cycling set.

"What is the retro bike?" those 10-speed-pedaling hordes who brave the Cambridge cobbled streets with sufficiently pneumatic tires may wonder. The retro-bike is a genre of used bike which is turning up with alarming frequency on campus. The most common strain--sorry, retro-bikers, it is becoming common--is the Raleigh frame in a rust-eaten variant of burnt umber, olive, electric blue or the ever-present black. The metallic frame comes over both the front and back wheels half-way and preferably, in the purest strains of retro-bike, has an irregularly shaped casing over the chain. Schwinns are also acceptable models.

Most retro-bikes are seen with a basket, which can be attached to the front or the back. These include the small wicker model, the milk crate, the traditional metal grid and the snappable, apparently useless leather pouch which hides beneath and in back of the seat. Nothing may be carried in these baskets. The seat is either in black or tan leather and is most often eaten away at the edges by some sort of decades' old fungus. Handlebars must be upright in "cruising fashion," and the number of speeds may not exceed three. A "bell" is optional and coveted.

This ilk of retro-bike can most aptly be dubbed the "French Country Bike." It smacks of poignant cinematic moments of older French men rounding the corner to buy bread in the village center. These bikes should preferably be viewed in black and white. One retro-biker, who wishes to remain anonymous, confessed "I don't know what it is about this bike, it's just so cool, it's like I'm in an old Godard movie or something." Or something is right. The highest concentration of these retro-bikes can be found on the racks in front of Gato Rojo and the Graduate School of Design. But the quintessential retro-bike, the Platonic ideal of retro-bikes, the mother ship herself--a model with both a wicker basket and a leather pouch--usually sits regally locked outside the Signet Society. She awaits your admiration.

Retro-bikes cannot be an accessory to just anyone. The retro-bike is merely the final complement--the ascot to the suit, the umlaut to ubermensch, the affectation to the accent. Male retro-bikers should therefore include a combination of the following in their assembled visage: either jet black or platinum blonde hair (depending on your sexuality), plastic rimmed rectangular glasses, a blue button-down shirt made of light material, a blazer of either corduroy or velvet (not contingent upon your sexuality), deep brown, well-fitting pants, and an essential leather satchel (for your manuscript, of course). In winter, a dark coat which reaches mid-calf should be incorporated. In summer, there is no alteration, but rolling up of the blue sleeves is permitted once the bike has been locked up.

Female retro-bikers have more options than their manly counterparts. They can maneuver in both the pant and the skirt, but the skirt is overwhelmingly preferred. In fact, "Husam," the owner of ATA Cycle in Porter Square, purveyor of retro-bikes explained the "amazing market in Cambridge" because of the "professional women who want to wear skirts and still get around." Apparently, the older 3-speed bikes are the "only ones which allow this flexibility." Perhaps, they are the "only ones" that are within the limits of fashion. Retro-biker-ettes' hair should be cut short or pulled back into a low bun. Any form-fitting, preferably slightly transparent material for the shirt is appropriate. The only requirement for the skirt is that it reach mid-knee. Shoes depend on hosiery. If small white socks are worn folded over the ankle, then black buckled shoes should accompany them. If opaque stockings are worn, however, a sturdy high-heeled shoe must be worn. Overcoats may vary.

For both the male and female retro-biker, the scarf is key.

To be sure, there are other genres of retro-bike. Not to be overlooked is the too-small banana seater that has sparklies somewhere on the frame. This type of bike is most often seen parked near WHRB or emerging from the snow after a thaw. And, there is the friendly, "creative retro-bike" with flowers painted on it. This rarity has only one member on campus and it is always parked in front of DeWolfe. Above and beyond the retro-bike, transcending the style capacity of most, is the motorized scooter. This is reserved for the select few. It's something to work for: a cyclist's grail, a vision beyond the handlebars, a continental dream.FM