SAVORY BAKED SEX

Dartboard has discovered a single solution to two of the perennial complaints of Harvard students: lousy sex life and lousy dining services. Actually, it was the September edition of Men's Health that provided the inspiration. Under the title "Foods that Fuel Sex," Men's Health offered simple advice to increase sexual appetite--literally. So, with an eye toward the betterment of the Harvard community, Dartboard would like to offer some advice to dining hall services.

First, stock up on nuts and seeds. Nuts and seeds are high in vitamin E. And research shows that vitamin E keeps testosterone from breaking down--and pushes that male libido into high gear.

The second recommendation, geared specifically to you puritans: the more coffee, the better. Studies have shown that men and women who drink at least one cup of coffee a day are nearly twice as likely (twice!) to describe themselves as sexually active. An extra perk: men who like the java report fewer problems with, uh, keeping it up, as they say.

The third recommendation is simple: keep the calcium coming. Muscles need calcium to spasm and relax, spasm and relax, spasm and, well, you know where this is going. Maybe this new understanding explains that strange dish "savory baked tofu." We just didn't know how savory it was.

Finally, for general vigor and vitality, the key seems to be beans. Good for your heart, as the saying goes, and good for other parts of your body, as well. Basically, beans, which are high in niacin, help increase your blood flow and let your body exert itself fully. Dartboard hopes that the dining services will take these recommendations to heart. We will.