The Sensation of Belonging

My most powerful memory of my first year is not a particular event but rather a feeling--one I experienced for the first time that year and which I am quite certain will stay with me for the rest of my life.

This feeling first emerged during the long (I apologize to those 29 Garden St. residents, but it seemed long at the time), dark walks home from the Freshman Union to my dorm room in Holworthy. My roommates and I all had different schedules and while we did often eat together, I usually made this walk home alone.

Being an inveterate late diner, I rarely emerged from the Union before 7:30, by which point it was quite dark and quite cold--especially as the fall quickly turned to winter.

There are two equally powerful aspects of this "Union walk" sensation that I will always carry with me.

The first aspect can only be described as that "sinking feeling" which each one of us knows and loves and which results from the realization of all the work that lies ahead. This sensation may have been more intense when I had an Ec 10 hourly or an Expos paper due the next day.

But whether or not the exam was tomorrow or the paper was due the next week, there was always a deadline or set of deadlines to serve as a source of anxiety. Integral to this sinking feeling was the fear that I would not be able to do it all, hence the feeling that I would sink.

This feeling was merely intensified by the loneliness of the walk. I have yet to understand why I was unable to take solace in knowing that everyone else had similar pressures and deadlines; perhaps I felt, as I often do here, that everyone else was much more put-together and at much less risk of sinking.

Just as this anxiety and loneliness seemed to take grip of me, I would pass through the walkway between University Hall and Thayer, and there, as I rounded the corner lay Holworthy, and home.

The anxiety did not disappear, I am sorry to say, upon this sight; but some of the loneliness did.

The comfort I felt upon seeing Holworthy was not the sensation of mom's milk and cookies after school.

This comfort sprang from knowing that the people who lived in Holworthy 23 might not be able to write my Expos paper or take my Ec 10 hourly, but they would smile and laugh and somehow make the mountains of tasks more bearable.

I realize that I was lucky in that I had roommates my first year and ever since who have provided this atmosphere and base of support; and in reflecting upon what I have taken away from my Harvard experience, these women are a big part of it.

However, I know that each of us has found this sensation at one point or another in our four years here. This comfort and sensation of belonging can come from outside the rooming group, from involvement in an activity like a play or an organization where you feel at ease and comfortable or perhaps from something as simple as entering your house or your dining hall.

This source will very for each one of us; but it will be, I hope, a source of friendship and support which we will carry with us as we move on to the next stage of our lives.

Whether it be our roommates or the friends made in the House or those met through one of Harvard's 300 extracurricular activities, these people and that sensation of belonging are an integral part of Harvard's gift to each one of us.

Lest you fear that this bright-eyed, bushy-tailed Crimson Keyster has forgotten about the loneliness and ,desperation that so powerfully characterized the first half of my "Union walk," fear not.

This anxiety accompanied me for the next three years; whether I had three papers and an exam the next week or a speech for an election I was running in, that sinking feeling was my constant companion on the walks home from Lamont or the Science Center.

Harvard's greatest gift to me, and I believe to each one of us, was the opportunity to realize that I could handle what was thrown in front of me, the realization that each one of us can serve as our own life-pre-servers. While we think we might sink, we have the capability to stay afloat.

I learned this slowly but surely, each time I finished those papers or gave that speech. By learning that I was indeed capable of facing the challenges in front of me, the pangs of loneliness, which had always accompanied this sinking feeling, changed to a pride in my independence and a faith in my abilities.

This transition is not complete; and I assure you, I am gripped by this same anxiety as I look toward the future and the new challenges facing me as I leave; but unlike my walks from the Union three years ago, I am confident that I have the capability to handle the challenges with which I am faced.

Being surrounded by the support and friendship of the Harvard community for the last four years has facilitated a growth in self-confidence in my abilities, especially my ability to survive and conquer whatever challenges I will face.

I believe that our experiences here have given each one of us this increased sense of confidence in who and what we are. In reflecting upon what Harvard has given me, it's the support and friendship, from roommates and classmates, and this increased sense of self-confidence and self-reliance that I count among its most important gifts, gifts which I will carry with me always.

Lindsay H. Tomenson '96 is the former president of the Crimson Key Society.CrimsonGabriel B. EberLINDSAY H. TOMENSON '96 says a sense of community is one of Harvard's greatest gifts to its students.

This anxiety accompanied me for the next three years; whether I had three papers and an exam the next week or a speech for an election I was running in, that sinking feeling was my constant companion on the walks home from Lamont or the Science Center.

Harvard's greatest gift to me, and I believe to each one of us, was the opportunity to realize that I could handle what was thrown in front of me, the realization that each one of us can serve as our own life-pre-servers. While we think we might sink, we have the capability to stay afloat.

I learned this slowly but surely, each time I finished those papers or gave that speech. By learning that I was indeed capable of facing the challenges in front of me, the pangs of loneliness, which had always accompanied this sinking feeling, changed to a pride in my independence and a faith in my abilities.

This transition is not complete; and I assure you, I am gripped by this same anxiety as I look toward the future and the new challenges facing me as I leave; but unlike my walks from the Union three years ago, I am confident that I have the capability to handle the challenges with which I am faced.

Being surrounded by the support and friendship of the Harvard community for the last four years has facilitated a growth in self-confidence in my abilities, especially my ability to survive and conquer whatever challenges I will face.

I believe that our experiences here have given each one of us this increased sense of confidence in who and what we are. In reflecting upon what Harvard has given me, it's the support and friendship, from roommates and classmates, and this increased sense of self-confidence and self-reliance that I count among its most important gifts, gifts which I will carry with me always.

Lindsay H. Tomenson '96 is the former president of the Crimson Key Society.CrimsonGabriel B. EberLINDSAY H. TOMENSON '96 says a sense of community is one of Harvard's greatest gifts to its students.