Groovy Train

Over the past few weeks, I've been looking a little closer at my past. Did I do anything in high school (or even before) that the Harvard admissions committee might have frowned upon? I thought and thought about it, but I couldn't come up with much. Well..I smoked a lot of cigarettes before I turned 18. That's illegal. I skipped geometry class a few times and Chinese a lot more than a few times. I could have been suspended for that. I broke several major traffic laws every day. I could have been arrested! What if Harvard had known?

Hmmmm.

I decided to ask around if other people had done anything bad. Rachel A. Cohen '95-96 never really graduated from high school. She got a diploma, but she shouldn't have. "I told them I'd do an independent study but I never handed anything in. Technically I'm still in high school." And this is not her only crime. "I never went to gym," she continues. Worse of all: "I skipped Jewish holidays without feeling guilty."

Because one senior drank underage she caused the serious injury of a house painter. On a school trip to Montreal in the eighth grade, this woman-who appears so upright and moral now-drank one sip of beer. She was immediately suspended from school. While she was home for three days, she decided, instead of seriously contemplating her transgression, to sunbathe. One of the men who was painting her house at the time noticed and fell from a ladder, breaking his leg. At least she feels bad about it now.

I was informed that one sophomore woman had been involved in a prolonged affairwith her high school English teacher. She got anA. I wonder what the admissions committee wouldsay if they found out her grades weren't exactly"earned" in the normal fashion. Hard work, indeed.

Then there's that kid who sued his schoolsystem because he didn't get to be valedictorian.I think extreme hubris could be criminal.Protagonists of Greek tragedies were struck downon account of it all the time.

These crimes may seem minor, but just what is aminor moral offense?

One alumnus has such a reputation about hispast that his high school crimes continue to serveas dining hall conversations a year after hisgraduation. One rumor I heard had him busted forselling cocaine in high school, but his admissionwas guaranteed by his father's $2 million gift tothe University. Another version claims that he wasmerely friends with a drug dealer andand at onepoint helped his friend break into someone's houseto steal a stereo. (The dealer apparently had somedebts.) Either way, rumor has it that he gotcaught. Who knows the real truth?

I can't begin to count how many people I knowwho used and/or dealt illicit drugs during theiryouth. Small time high school dealers are admittedto Harvard every year. "I kept over $300 worth ofacid in my mother's freezer for over a year [inhigh school] and I was dealing the whole time,"one junior told me.

One of the greatest stories I heard in mysearch for indiscretion was that of a femalecocaine dealer, who continued her transactionswhile at Harvard. She was apparently so helpful toa certain all-male organization that they kiddedthey'd make an exception for her and allow her tojoin. Of course that was only a rumor.

Like the coke dealer I just mentioned, many ofour less "moral" admits continue their anticsafter they matriculate. They may even get a littleworse. Imagine if the Evening With Champions guyswere caught in the admissions process. Or anyonewho has ever committed date rape. Or that guy whonever holds the elevator for me in LeverettF-tower.

What if Harvard had known? How would they everknow? Not everyone has a nutcase "fan" who willsend a package of newspaper clippings to theadmissions office so that they know who's beennaughty. I guess luck or divine intervention isthe best we can hope for.

Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts ofHarvard students