Thanks, Michael

The most famous minor league player of all time did baseball a great service last week: he hung up his spikes. After a thoroughly unproductive rookie season at the age of 31, Michael Jordan mercifully ended his 18-month farce and returned the national pastime to legitimate ballplayers.

When Jordan retired after winning his third straight basketball championship, he claimed that there was nothing left for him to accomplish in in the sport he once dominated.

And so, seeking a challenge and looking to live out a childhood dream, he turned to baseball.

He was signed by the Chicago White Sox (whose owner, not coincidentally, also happens to own the Chicago Bulls) to a minor league contract and sent to the Double A Birmingham Barons to work on his basic skills.

For months, the nation was bombarded with news briefs gushing over his 'remarkable progress' as coaches seemed to almost stumble over them-selves to praise his development. Despite the Barons' insistence to the contrary, the daily 'Jordan Watch' in USA Today told a different story.

In last week's Newsweek, there is one anecdote which defines Jordan's baseball misadventures. With his Birhimgham Barons playing the Memphis Chicks-Jordan came to the plate with two down in the ninth and the game on the line.

Pressure situations are certainly nothing new for Jordan, but standing at the plate in Memphis, he found himself to be lacking the fundamental tools that had always come so easily on the basketball court.

Three strikes later, the game was done and a man who had once stood astride the sporting world slowly headed back the the dugout.

My grandmother always taught me not to revel in the miseries of others, but I simply can't help myself. While I sympathize with Jordan's childhood dream of playing professional baseball, there isn't a major league team willing to indulge my fantasy in hopes of increasing attendence or rekindling my competitive spirit. (Although when the Arizona Diamondbacks and Tampa Bay Devil Rays get their expansion teams and further dilute the talent pool, I just might have a chance).

While Jordan's short-lived baseball career may have accounted for 83.9 percent of attendence around the Southern League last year, his vain-glorious attempts represented a threat to the integrity of the game.

Jordan's improbable success would have discredited the skills of all professional baseball players.

Instead, his almost pathetic failure in Double A ball reaffirmed the talent and mastery necessary to play the game; demonstrating that not even the greatest basketball player of all time can return from a 15 year `hiatus' and play with the best in the world.

Despite the best efforts of the greedy billionaires and the whiny millionaires to turn a generation of young fans against the game, baseball is the national pastime and should be accordingly guarded from sensational antics.

I'll be the first to admit that I envy Jordan's opportunity to live out his childhood dream; however, I have difficulty condoning the tainting of the national pastime because of increased gate revenues and hopes of rekindling his competitive fire.

I'm glad Michael Jordan struggled to bat above .200, I'm glad he led the league in errors, and ultimately I'm glad he had the decency to retire and leave baseball to the real players.

Peter Wallace is an Advertising Manager of The Crimson.