"California Soup?

declares Mary L. Naber, a first-year from Salinas, California. She's not alone. As a fellow Californian, I can vouch that the orange goop upon which Harvard Dining Services bestows this deceiving moniker is not a staple of the average Californian diet. But the misnomers don't stop here.

When asked how he feels about the California Avocado Sandwich, a guacamole, alfalfa sprout and cheddar cheese affair, Donald R. Franklin '98 responds, "Oh my God. I've had one at the Union, and I don't know what makes it from California as opposed to any other state." Franklin, who lives in San Diego, goes on to say, "Mexican Toppers--that's about the only thing they get right that's Mexican. I should know because I live right next to Mexico."

But Harvard's urge to serve regional cuisines is not limited to those of the North American continent. The dining service's attempts at international food have left a bad taste in the mouths of students as well. Deepu S. Nair '98 comments, "I don't know what Chicken Curry in a Hurry is, but it's definitely not Indian food."

Even the names of well-known beef dishes have perplexed students like first-year Nicholas J. F. Edmonds. "Personally, I've never heard of London broil," admits the England native.

OK, OK, maybe it is hard to create authentic reproductions of the food of other cultures, and we can let that slide. But one would think that Harvard Dining Services could get good ol' American food right. Right? Perhaps not.

Tabitha A. Shanies '98 of Roslyn, New York has a hard time finding something good to say about the New York Deli meal. "What was at the New York Deli again? Oh yeah, those potato pancakes. They were gummy and seemed like they were five years old and had just defrosted," Shanies grumbles, "They must think that all New Yorkers eat fatty, disgusting stuff. Some of that stuff does exist, but that's not what we eat all the time,...and the real stuff certainly doesn't taste like that." Shanies's friend, Benjamin W. Chauncey '98, isn't so picky. According to Chauncey, "The roast beef was pretty good." However, Chauncey does not call New York home, thus calling his reliability on the subject into question.

The recent Southern Picnic drew quite a fervent student response, too. "It's kind of insulting that they say we eat dirt down south," Texan Julia A. Kidd '98 remarks about the Union's so-called dirt cakes. Maybe HDS was thinking of Mud Pie, a dish that many are familiar with, but the dirt cakes were served with sand pudding instead. Kidd continues, "And what's with this catfish and slaw business? Nobody eats that. Plus, I've never seen a Soho soda before I came here." Kidd's confusion is understandable, as Soho sodas come from New York City, making them an odd choice for a meal commemorating the area south of the Mason-Dixon Line. Kidd's opinions pale in comparison, though, to that of a more vicious Southern student who requested anonymity: "We definitely don't wear the clothes [the dining service workers] wore."

At least Harvard Dining Services did try. Although many students make fun of theme meals based on their home regions, other students take some offense that their states aren't represented at all. Ian F. Dunn '98 sadly states, "I think it's culturally exclusive that there are no specialities from the Midwest."

The one Harvard Dining Services specialty that has intrigued me most, however, is not a regional food, so far as I can tell: American Chop Suey. I know you've wondered about it, too. What the hell is American Chop Suey? John Shaffer, Assistant General Manager at the Freshman Dining Hall, explains, "American Chop Suey was based on the idea that chop suey was a whole bunch of stuff mixed together, so people used to take leftovers at the end of the week, grind up the meat, and mix it up." This may not sound too reasuring, but Shaffer further clarifies, "However, here American Chop Suey is not a leftover dish," as he hands me the secret recipe. Don't worry. It really is safe to eat. Finally, Shaffer warns me as I leave the underground dining services labyrinth of the Union, "If your article hurts, we'll come and find you."

Please, Mr. Shaffer, don't hurt me. I want to live long enough to experience the savory Fresh Snap Beans and tantalizing Dirty Rice of the upcoming Mardi Gras Dinner. Yeah, whatever.