Take the G-Train

Records to procrastinate by:

."Sister," by Sonic Youth. This is one of the awesomest albums ever, and also Sonic Youth's best The first song, "Sister," is really great, as is the line "hotwire my heart." Kim Gordon is fabulous.

.The new Pavement. Despite what everyone else is saying, this LP is actually better and much more soulful than "Slanted and Enchanted."

."The Best of the Songbooks," by Ella Fitzgerald. That song "Every Time We Say Goodbye" is very soothing.

.Mahler's Fourth Symphony.

.That really great Game Theory album, the one with "Erica's World." Every song on it is excellent.

Some facts about Harvard's cutest band:

Hypertrophie Shitstraw is far and away the cutest band at Harvard. It has cute, funny, Knitting Factory esque songs with cute names, and is composed entirely of witty first-years with good personalities. They are the following:

The singer is a nice person named Kyle. Kyle is from New York. At the beginning of the year he had long hair and a beard, but he had to rid himself of both in order to appear in court. Sometimes during HSS shows Kyle stands inside of a cage that he made himself and keeps in his room in Thayer. Kyle amuses himself by thinking of Tom Swifties that have internal logic but are hard for the layperson to understand.

A pleasing girl named Jess plays the violin for HSS. She plays really well and is our favorite musical element of the band. She also looks really cool, but not at all in a lame way. In real life, Jess doesn't say much, at least not to us, but she appears to think a lot.

Matt Donahue plays the bongo drums. During shows he sits and stares off into space and hits his drums. He always appears to be high, and sometimes he is. He has dredlocks and looks hilarious. We don't know Matt too well, but one time when we talked to him we laughed really hard at something he said.

The HSS member with the best haircut is Pete Rojas, who plays the bass. Pete has a kind of page-boy haircut, except the ends flip out instead of under. Pete likes to be addressed as Rojas, said in a very syllabic and enunciated way. One time as a joke Pete said he was a prospector. That is a good example of his sense of humor.

The band's guitarrist is an unusually tall boy known as K., who refus- es to reveal the other letters of his name. K.describes himself as "gangly and obsequious," butonly the gangly part is true. K. is funny, bothfunny weird and funny ha ha. He's also quitestudious for someone his height.

What's good and bad in the world of style"

Bad:

.Tattoos and body piercing.

.Dyed hair.

.Doc Martens and shoes that look like DMs(though they're admittedly hard to avoid).

.Dumb alternateen clothes from UrbanOutfitters.

.The blazer-over-your-sexy-bare-chest look.

.Anything reminiscent of the waif look.

.Baseball caps, especially with a ponytailsticking out the back.

.All black all the time.

.Having a tan.

.Wearing sweatpants around in public.

Good:

.Colorful clothing, especially pink and orange.

.Those stockings that go to halfway up yourthigh.

.Costume jewelry.

.Smoking jackets.

.Boys wearing dresses and skirts, but notkilts.

.Wigs, or powdering your hair like they did inthe olden days.

.Fake eyelashes.

.Painted fingernails and big rings.

.Glittery shirts.

.Wearing pajamas around in public.

Celebrities we like:

.Dave Grohl, Nirvana's drummer, because of hisdemented air and his stellar performance in "TheYear Punk Broke."

.David Byrne of the Talking Heads, because ofhis quirky wisdom.

.John Malkovich, because he's handsome and agreat actor, and has a smart wife of his own agegroup instead of some little floozy.

Celebrities we like to dislike:

.That horrible Kate Moss, Kristi Turlington andNaomi Campbell trio, because of their idiocy.

.Donald Trump, for the obvious reasons.

.Steven Speilberg, because of all his badmovies and his undeserved hero status.

Celebrities we dislike ourselves for liking:

.Clint Eastwood, who in theory we detest butwho seems like a nice person.

.Dave Letterman, because even though he'sstupid and predictable, we still think he's prettyfunny.

.The cast of 90210