He's Searching for Abby

Dear Readers

Long time no see! I hope all of you enjoyed winter break, reading period, exams, and intercession. Now it's time to begin a brand new semester, chock-full of brand new hang-ups, gripes, and angst.

So come on. Therapy is only 29 cents away. What about this and that? How do we feel about using this typeface?

Dear Norma

I met this wonderful woman last fall. This month we started dating. I care about her deeply, but there's one problem--I just found out she has three roommates. I think they are hesitant to accept me into their lives. These girls resent my presence in the common room, and they are now competing against me for their roommate's attention. They frequently throw tantrums in front of us, and say things like, "You're not as neat as Kim's first boyfriend." How can I gain their trust and affection? --New Man in Her Life

Dear New Man

First, understand that the roommates feel threatened: your girlfriend used to belong exclusively to them. Secondly, they still have strong memories of their roommate's first boyfriend. Making a transition is difficult for them.

Show the roommates that you intend to include them in your new life with your girlfriend. Play catch with them. If you go on a business trip, bring each of them a little souvenir. Include them in your outings with your girlfriend. And finally--if things seem to be going especially well--ask them to call you "Boyfriend."

Dear Abby

Darn! Darn! Darn! I mean Norma, not Abby. Help me. I'm a man obsessed. As an avid peninsula reader and fan, I cannot rest until I find her--Abagail Adams. Where do I begin my search? I know she's out there.   --No Man is an Island

Dear No Man

Silly. You need a woman for the 1990s, not the 1970s. The least you could do is go after Dolly Madison. Although she, too, is dead, her legacy lives on at Star Market. The woman won't offer you romance. But she'll offer you plenty of Zingers.

Dear Norma

My friend loves to watch the "Home Shopping Network." He has many nice figurines and pretty pieces of women's jewelry.

He now claims that he can do shopping period in the comfort of his own room. He even insists that he has found great bargains on Harvard spring term courses. He says, for example, that he can get English 178x at "a wicked low price." Is this possible?   --Dumbfounded in DeWolfe

Dear Dumbfounded

Your friend has made a common mistake. He has confused English 178x, "The 20th-Century American Novel from Dreiser to the Present," with The 20th-Century American Novel Library, Volume Two: Dreiser to the Present, yours for only $19.95. (English 178x, however, throws in a graduate section at no extra charge.)

Dear Norma

I think I forget to take one of my final exams.   --Charlie T. Danvers '95

Dear Charlie

Thanks for writing.

Normascope: Norma survived reading period, exams, even some major cosmetic surgery. She recommends a little jaunt out of town.