Drunken socks

Dear Norma,

I would like to start a Gourmet Cooking Club here at Harvard. The idea would be to meet once week and prepare a nice meal for our own enjoyment. sure. I've eaten in the house dining halls, but it's just not a satisfying environment. I want to eat with other gourmands. Is that so wrong? Epicurean in Currier

Dear Epicurean,

Go for it. I say, if a bunch of connoisseurs of fine cookery want to gather for good food, find wine and sparkling conversation, they have absolutely every right to do so.

Here's some advice to get you started: contact sympathetic alumni who will donate funds for your very own private kitchen. These alumni could also band together against administration to help you keep out the masses who don't know pate for the pasta bar. In addition, alumni can serve as useful connections in the real would once you graduate. After all, you want to stay ahead, of the aforementioned slobs who don't know which fork to use for what course. And shhh! Don't tell The Crimson!

Dear Norma,

My roommates suck. I keep a stash of quarters which I use for my laundry, and dammit, they swipe then and use them for "Quarters"! Instead of the soothing hum of the Maytag washing machine, I am forced to listen to the drunken strains of "Down in one, down in one, down in one..." This is more than just simple thievery. It is a matter of social stigmatization. For not only am I a floater, I am a floater with stinky socks, Help me.   Miffed and Malodorous in Mather

Dear Miffed,

I you can't beat 'em, join 'em. This is college: you're supposed to be drunk and stinky all the time.

And there's nothing wrong with floating. I was a floater once, and I made many inebriated, smelly friends.

One more thing: suggest to your House committee that the washing machines and dryers be converted to the VendaCard sytem. Lamont Library has switched many of its Xerox machines to VendaCard currency. This frees up people's pocketbooks considerably making Gov Docs the newest hangout for food, folks and drinking games. What do you think bookcheckers do no breaks, anyway?

Dear Norma,

I have a scheduling conflict The Senior Soiree is on the same night as the Freshman Formal. How do my first-year boyfriend and I resolve this?   Lover of a Yardling in Lowell

Dear Lover,

You and your boyfriend could show up at the Freshman Formal drunks, not recognize anyone, and step on people's shoes as the two of you try to slow-dance to "Lady in Red. " Or you and your boyfriend could show up at the Senior Soiree drunk, not recognize anyone, and step on people's shoes as the two of you try to slow-dance to "Lady in Red." It is, indeed, a tough call. Good luck.

Hey Norma,

New week, new little filly for the Cap'n! best part is, she doesn't know it yet! Cap'n XY is a free man, but he's lookin' to slip on the love shackles once again.

The latest object of this salty dog's amour was tragically dumped two years, ago, and wherever there's a roadkill on the Highway of Love, you can bet that the Captain XY, Esq.--"The Love Vulture"--is making those lazy circles in the sky!   Capt. XY, Esq.

Dear Captain XY,

Best of luck in your current endeavor. As demonstrated by your letter, your flair for romantic imagery will take you far. Just be considerate. you may call her "possum' or "kitten"--but not "roadkill kitty" and the like.