CULTURAL ATTRACTION

Some attractions know no cultural bounds. They are taken up by different people and made into tales of their own, like the story of the Messiah or of Santa Claus. Or, now, even the infamous John Wayne and Lorena Bobbitt.

This past weekend, we at Dartboard were tuned into Spanish radio station AM 1510, when we heard a new release from the group called Banda Gorda. Performed to a hip, swinging merengue beat, the new sensation of this Spanish music world is a most delightful adaptation of the timeless Bobbitt morals with which every woman could identify.

A sexy singer shouted (in Spanish): "Women! Do you like to be mistreated?"

Chorusters refrained like barking dogs, "No! No! We don't like it!"

What liberation! A horde of women knowing that they don't like to be mistreated!

Then, cutting right to the meat of the issue, the singer rasped at her male audience: "Nowadays you have to treat women nice / Or else they roam around the house with a knife / Or else you'll find you're missing something!" Again, the cheers of busty chorusters.

We at Dartboard can't help but picture the scene. On a hot, sticky night in a dark Puerto-Rican club, a new dance emerges: "La Bobbitt." Women gyrate down to their partners' waists, mimicking a pair of scissors with their fingers. They begin to mime a "snip-snip" action as the male recoils in terror. Better than Voguing! Banda Gorda makes a killing!

In the United States, of course, the timeless Bobbitt morals have been adapted to suit tastes of the native culture. John Wayne has spun himself a new career in the adult entertainment business. His new porno video, "John Wayne Bobbitt--Uncut," is less about female liberation than it is about the nearly unstoppable bonkability of the American male. You'd have sworn that John Wayne got an enhancement, not an amputation.

Some attractions, it seems, have no bounds.