Shopping Daze

Only 47 more shopping days until Christmas, and keeping that salient point in mind I'd like to lay out my 1994 "world o' sports" wish list for Santa, Roone Arledge and anyone else out there worth asking.

In other words, here's what I'd do if I were president/commissioner for a day of the NCAA, NFL, NHL, NBA, MLB, WLAF, PGA, ECAC, IBF-WBA-WBC and several more organizations with acronyms I'm not at liberty to name:

1) Get a damn college football playoff. Eight teams chosen by an NCAA selection committee a la basketball, three weeks, all games played at existing bowl sites, rotate the national championship site every year.

How tough can it be? And how many more times are we going to be subjected to this "polling" crap before the nation collectively vomits all over the Associated Press, CNN and the USA TODAY?

Two polls ago, the vote of one coach--someone with a vested interest in who is ranked where--could have swung Penn State's two-vote plurality into a tie. Another vote could have given Nebraska the lead. Is this any way to run a lemonade stand, much less a national phenomenon people are known to kill each other over?

You've probably noticed in basketball that nobody has ever questioned the legitimacy of 1983's N.C. State, 1985's Villanova and 1988's Kansas. Maybe the "best team" didn't win the championship in those years, but they beat the six teams they needed to beat, didn't they?

So help me God, if I ever have to hear Dean Smith "lobbying" for a national championship or Bobby Knight complaining about which bowl his team got shipped to. I'll know Jupiter has collided with Mars and Moscow is the capital of our 51st state.

The ONLY people who benefit from the current "bowl coalition" are the controversy-mongers of the national press. Something is inherently wrong with so self-perpetuating a system of chaos, and it needs to be fixed--yesterday, if not sooner.

2) Nuke the world of boxing back to the Stone Age. Two-thirds (two-thirds?) of the heavyweight championship is in the possession of a 46-year old pile of blubber with just enough strength and endurance for one killer right (and nothing more); the other third belongs to the former sparring partner of a convicted felon.

Why do we follow this sport? Why do I have to say this? Isn't it self-evident that boxing makes as little sense as Don King's hair?

3) "Three-up, three-down" in all professional sports leagues. This is the system of promotion and relegation they use throughout the world of soccer, and it keeps teams motivated to improve and stay in the top flight of competition.

The San Diego Padres finish with the worst record in baseball again? Ship 'em to the International League and call up the Richmond Braves. The Sacramento Kings and Dallas Mavericks? The CBA is waiting, guys. The Cincinnati Bengals and the Ottawa Senators? Delta is ready when you are.

Maybe small-market teams inherently deserve small-money leagues if they can't hack it in the big time. A radical suggestion, yes, but is it any more radical than cancelling the World Series because a bunch of millionaires can't relate to a bunch of billionaires?

4) Issue a communique explaining why people should quit whining about Ivy League fan support. For in spite of all the deficiencies in the big-time world of sports today, it's that which we follow and not Harvard-Bucknell at Soldiers' Field, and such is life.

If you build a game that matters--like the men's soccer game Saturday--they will come, but not before. So get over it.