Stoned

The first step is admitting that you have a problem.

This being midterms, a lot of us have problems. The fact that a day contains, on average, only 24 hours is a problem. The fact that the midterm in Russian lit counts for 50 percent of the course grade is a problem.

The fact that No-Doz may be habit forming is not a problem at all. It's solution.

Forget speedballs. The drug of choice for the past few weeks has been good old-fashioned caffeine. It's cheap, it's effective, and it's completely legal.

Which is perhaps why the administration, while rigorously condemning undergraduate drug abuse, turns a blind eye to the steaming vats of coffee that appear in dining halls every morning to tempt students whose powers of resistance are at their lowest ebb.

For those who tire of subsidized highs, CVS offers several brands of caffiene tabs, including No-Doz, Vivarin and store brand that comes in a screaming orange box, as if the active ingredients weren't enough to set your nerves jangling. The small print reads, in part, "This product is not a substitute for sleep."

Yeah, right.

CVS sells 21 boxes a week of Vivarin tabs alone, according to the store's order figures. Other varieties sell around ten boxes a week.

Each tablet contains the equivalent of two cups of coffee, but some students prefer to wake up the old-fashioned way.

James W. Fields '95 swears by Au Bon Pain's Iced Mocha Blast, a double cappucino with chocolate, which he says he consumes every weekday.

"It's just like drinking a couple of cups of coffee, except that it's on ice, which I prefer," he says.

Last summer, Fields worked in an investment banking house where he reported seeing co-workers down as many as eight cups of coffee in a morning.

"That's a little excessive," he says, "but to each his own."

To each his own, indeed. Anne M. Sullivan '96 estimates her daily consumption at two cups of coffee, two of tea and 24 ounces of Diet Coke, as well as a pack of cigarettes.

"I'm finding out more and more that I need it just to be normal," she says.

She doesn't up her caffiene dosage for midterms, however.

"I use so much every day as it is," she says.

Sullivan's roommate, Angela M. Delichatsios '95, avoids coffee (she doesn't like the taste) but drinks enough Diet Coke to make up for it: around six cans a day. Like her roommate, she smokes a daily pack of cigarettes as well.

"I definitely need some vices," she says. "Otherwise I'll start yelling at the people who live around me."

Neither roommate plans to quit any time soon. Delichatsious says the pressures of writing a thesis and directing a play make a steady stream of caffeine vital.

"At this point, it's part of the routine," she says.

While most students prefer their stimulants to be strictly over-the-counter, one sophomore recently found a new high: the medication she was prescribed for her migraine headaches.

"To stay awake and be really happy and not be too caffeinated, I take my migraine medicine and then drink a cup of coffee afterwards," she says.

"It's a fantastic high," she adds, "without the stupidity effect."

Tune in. Turn on. Study hard.