The New Prez

Yesterday President Neil L. Rudenstine announced that he will be taking a medical leave of absence for at least several weeks. Provost and Dean of the Kennedy School Albert Carnesale have taken over as acting president. It makes perfect sense that Carnesale, who has served as University provost since July 1, would take over as president.

But Carnesale may not be the best person for this job. First, he bears an uncanny resemblance to Senator Edward M. Kennedy '54-'56 (D-Gehenna). On a more serious note, given his backgrounds as academic and administrator, Carnesale might not be as in touch with undergraduates as a university president should be.

Therefore, I suggest that Rudenstine be temporarily replaced with a student leader, someone who understands the concerns of college students.

Here are my top picks for the Acting President of Harvard University (in no particular order).

Kristen M. Clarke '97, president of the Black Students Association.

Clarke might be able to improve race relations on the Harvard campus. And her superior mental, physical and spiritual abilities make her uniquely qualified her for this leadership role.

As her first act as president, Clarke would immediately change the Harvard grading system. Grading will no longer be based on the infamous "bell curve." Instead, all members of oppressed minorities will get A's--and all oppressors will fail.

Charles K. Lee '92, former co-chair, An Evening With Champions.

Lee, with his new wardrobe from Barney's, certainly dresses the part of University president. But I pick Lee not for his sartorial splendor but for his fundraising abilities. He might even do a better job than that Donald Kennedy fellow at Stanford...

Royce Lin '96, president, Bisexual, Gay and Lesbian Students Association.

Under Lin, every day would be Harvard Coming Out Day. A glowing pink triangle would replace the elegant clock that currently hangs over Massachusetts Hall.

To help me imagine what Harvard would be like under the rule of Lin, allow me to invoke the notorious and always amusing academic iconoclast Camille Paglia.

"Oh, you're gay. Isn't that nice?" said Paglia, mocking a college administrator of today. "How nice that you're gay! This is wonderful. We're going to help you be gay. Really, there's no need to..."

This, dear friends, is what life would be like under President Lin. And I can't wait.

G. Brent McGuire '95, senior council member, Peninsula.

Making McGuire acting president would be a wonderful adventure in time travel--straight back to 1636, or whenever this place was still moral, when it still prepared men of faith to head out into the world to serve God and humankind.

McGuire would bring law, order and common decency back to this school. It's high time we brought back the stocks. It certainly would be fun to watch Adams House suffer the same fate as the most excellent cities of Sodom and Gomorrah. (And you, dear reader, think I'm being facetious.)

Hyewon Chong '95, member, Ethnic Studies Action Committee.

Oh wait--Chong can't accept this post! You see, Chong and company doesn't believe in presidencies, boards of overseers and other such patriarchal hierarchies. ESAC is a collective--and don't you forget it!

David R. Lat's column appears on alternate Tuesdays.