What's In a Name

You know, Eric Brown is such a boring name.

Yeah, I've sorta grown to like it during the 19 years that I've had it, but I've still always wondered what it would be like to have a real neato sounding name. You know, a name that makes people say, "Wow, what a cool name that guy has!"

Like Steve Kezirian.

I don't want to single out the junior that will quarterback the Harvard football team this Saturday against Yale, but face it, dude. You got a kick-butt name.

Kezirian. Funky and fresh enough to turn eyebrows, but not overly difficult to pronounce.

It's got that sense of wild, rugged accomplishment that, well, that "Eric Brown" kinda lacks.

Not to mention all the great possibilities for completely awful puns.

The Kaz. The band should come to The Game with a bunch of Kazoos. If he does a quarterback sneak, we in the stands should yell, "Go Kangzerooo!!"

This guy doesn't throw bullets or darts to his receivers. He throws Kazers.

Steve is the Kazmanian Devil. Or how about Conan the Kezirian?

It all started when he led the comeback against Colgate, ah, excuse me, that's Kolgate.

Starting quarterback Vin Ferrara was injured with Harvard behind, and then it was time for the Kaz-ttack.

Two plays and one quarter. Three drives. 22 points. 45 yards passing and 70 yards rushing.

And he's got a name like Kezirian. How could you not like that?

So for the rest of the season, Kazman played backup to Ferrara (who was rightfully the Crimson starter), and it seemed like there would be no more runs up to the Kazskill Mountains.

Sure, he played here and there. Kazcher in the Rye came in for one play against Princeton and threw an interception, but the legend of Karzan didn't die.

For starters, the pass was tipped and so the pick wasn't really Kaz's fault, but more importantly, he has still kept the aura of the comeback man from the Colgate game.

Then, just when it looked like there would be no more need for Kaz for the rest of the year, the unthinkable happened.

Ferrara got injured again--this time a torn anterior cruciate ligament, a pretty serious injury. And because of this, the man from Kazamazoo will get the call from Harvard Coach Tim Murphy one more time yet.

Will the Kalzone be the same man that crested Colgate only a month ago? Or will he be Kazper the Friendly Ghost?

I don't really know. Hey, who am I to say that anyway? I'm the one that has got Brown as a last name, remember.

What can you do to that? My last two column names have been "Downtown Eric Brown" and "Brown Knows."

Nothing compared to the Kazifornia Dreamer.

I suppose I could do, "Erik the Brown," but that's a bit too Nordic. "Hash Browns" is a wee bit too cheesy.

Ah well, but there's not too much I can do. Changing my name to Eric Kezirian would confuse a lot of people (not to mention my parents). Besides, I would probably get all his telephone calls, which would be a royal pain.

So I'm still going to Eric F. Brown, and Steve Kezirian is still Steve Kezirian.

Maybe when he comes out onto the field, the band will strike up some "Kazshmir."