Number of Out Frosh Rises

During his senior year in high school, Thomas Locke Hobbs '98 says his top priority was earning the kind of grades that could get him into Harvard. When second semester of his senior year came, the student from Los Altos, Calif., finally had the time to come out of the closet.

"Before I had been locked into this academic track," Hobbs says. "When I got into Harvard, I had a lot of time. I smoked pot, lost my virginity and went to my first rock concert all in the same weekend."

Hobbs is one of what students and Harvard officials believe to be a record number of openly gay first-years. In the past, when the Freshman Dean's Office (FDO) held its annual reception for gay, lesbian and bisexual first-years and their roommates, no more than 10 students showed. When the FDO held this year's reception last month, twice as many students turned up.

"There are more freshmen who are openly gay than any year before," says Assistant Dean of Freshmen Michael J. Middleton '87, who is himself openly gay.

"At the first BGLSA meeting there were around 20 first-years, a good three times as many as last year," adds Royce Lin '96, co-chair of the Bisexual, Gay and Lesbian Student Association (BGLSA).

Lin says the number of out first-years will grow. "Later more people will come as more freshmen come out," he says.

The increase seems related to a larger trend: more students are coming out in high school, or coming to college intending to come out.

But students say that while Harvard is seeing more openly gay first-years, it is still far from the welcoming environment students find at some other Ivy League schools. Brown and Yale, for instance, have more gay activism and vocal student groups, students say.

And Harvard's conservative, pre-professional atmosphere may make openly gay undergraduates uncomfortable, more so than at the other Ivies, students say.

Coming Out

Openly gay students in the Class of 1998 have come out in different ways. Several students have been out for most of high school, some came out the summer after senior year and others have come out only at Harvard.

"The frosh gay community is very diverse," says Michael S. Campbell '98, who is from Andover, Mass., and has been out since high school. "I think we come from several different backgrounds and have had many different experiences coming out not only to our peers but to our families."

Others did not make their decision to come out until they got to Harvard. Daniel Stephens '98 of Oakland, California had come out to only a small number of friends before getting to Harvard, he says. But he came out to his roommates during his second week at Harvard.

"At first I was worried that my being gay would scare people off it they found out I was gay before I told them. Now it's different because I realize that to fit in I need to make my place as much find it," he says. "I got a grip and realized that I'm in college to learn for myself and not for others."

Many students who came out at home found the experience difficult, they say. One out gay first-year requested that his name not be printed for fear of embarrassing his parents.

"If I were to return to my home country I would literally be killed," the student says. "Not only do my parents deny my homosexuality but they fear that anyone else in our community may even question it."

Tommy T. Roddy '98 of Columbia, South Carolina, who is half Black and half Korean, says his ethnicity may make his sexual orientation less acceptable.

"At first I was disdained by the Asian community for being half Black, but then I was rejected for being bisexual," he says.

Gavin Steckler '98, from Juniper, Florida, came out only this summer at home. "When I got here I was already settled in my mind as to how I would go about being gay," he says. "The coolest part about it was the most simple answer: I would be myself."

When he arrived at Harvard, he decided to tell his proctor group about his sexual orientation during the mandatory tolerance discussions with faculty.

"I was very, very nervous, because I had only told individuals up till then and I was not sure whether or not it was time to tell a group of 30 people at once," he says. "But what decided it for me was the fact that by probability there were other people in the room feeling the same pain that I had been through as a closeted homosexual. I felt my choice to come out to the whole group would help."

Steckler waited until near the end of the discussion before coming out.

"I brought it up as a point that had been ignored throughout the meeting--the discrimination against or acceptance of homosexuality on campus. And I announced I was gay. When I told the group, the reaction was surprise, but it was controlled and in a very positive way. It was a learning experience, because other people came up to me after the meeting and said, 'I've never met an openly gay person and I always thought certain stereo-types applied and you don't fit into them.'"

While Steckler came out to his roommates, others chose not to say anything.

"I never told my roommates. I just waited for them to know. I just carried on with my life. It's a part of my life. It's not my whole life," says Brian J. Saccente '98 of Roslyn, N.Y.

Campbell, who also did not directly tell his roommates, says, "It is rather unnatural to say point blank, 'I'm gay.' I didn't hide anything, but I didn't say anything."

For some, not being direct with their roommates caused problems.

"I didn't come out to my roommates beforehand and I regret it. The beginning of the year would have been a lot smoother than I had," says Roddy, who has been out since high school.

The large group of out first-years may result from a sort of domino effect. "There are so many freshmen who came one foot in one foot out of the closet and needed to see other out freshmen," Roddy says. "With this freshman class there were enough of a core group of people who are out to encourage other people to come out."

National Trend

The number of out first-years may also be part of a larger, national trend mirrored at other colleges: more students are coming to terms with their sexuality in high school or soon after.

"I think that the reason that there are so many out freshmen is that there are more people out in high school," Hobbs says. "I know I tell upperclassmen that I was out in high school and they're surprised."

Undergraduates say they definitely see a growing number of out students before college, and a more aggressive style of outness.

"Being part of the largest out gay freshman class represents the changing conditions of gay America," Saccente says. "I've noticed that on the whole, a larger gay visibility within the past few years has led to an easier coming out process for most of us."

It is this generation which has embraced the label "queer" instead of the more cautious "gay, lesbian and bisexual," says BGLSA Co-Chair Lin. "'Queer' symbolizes a newer wave of energy, more encompassing, more radical, more in your face. The older generation is 'gay.'"

At Yale and Brown, undergraduates say they have seen dramatic first year increases as well.

Chitra Ganesh, a junior and co-chair of a group for gay, lesbian and bisexual minority students at Brown, says, "There are more gay freshmen than ever before. I've, noticed that there's been a ton of new faces at the Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Association (LGBTA)."

The larger number of openly gay high school students is also clear in a new trend in Harvard admissions essays: prospective first-years are writing about the experience of being gay or bisexual.

"We don't keep records or track data," says Director of Admissions Marlyn McGrath Lewis '78. "But personally in the last few years I've probably noticed a few more who've taken up a gay topic."

One first-year who is a lesbian says she made a conscious choice to high-light her outness on her Harvard application.

"I wrote one essay on summer camp which I sent to nine other schools. It was a good essay, I got into all nine, but it wasn't going to get me into Harvard," she says. "Instead I wrote my Harvard essay on being out and being politically active."

Many students think revealing their sexual orientation can be a plus in a competitive admissions process.

"More and more people are putting queer things on their applications and are getting in because of it," says BGLSA Co-Chair Moon Duchin '96. "Admissions people see being out as a sign of character and maturity."

Lewis says that gay students get no special treatment, however.

"We are looking at personal qualities," she says. "It's not a diversity issue for Harvard."

Students are also increasingly open about sexual orientation on their applications for first-year housing at Harvard.

"More people are taking into account sexual orientation when writing their rooming applications," Middleton says, "whether if they are gay themselves or saying that they wouldn't mind a gay roommate."

For many first-years, the question of what to reveal and how was a touchy one.

"My mother was against the idea of being out on my rooming application. I did put in slanted references, though nothing explicit," Hobbs says. "I just said I was looking for a group of rooming people who were open-minded and liberal and open to different modes of life. I didn't even use 'lifestyle,' I just used life." Saccente says he came out on his rooming application because he felt it would be only be fair to his roommates.

"I want to have a living environment which is comfortable for me and my roommates," he says. "If I were to be in a relationship with someone sometime during the year, I want them to be comfortable with it."

Uncomfortable Place

Despite the growing presence of openly gay students in the Class of 1998, many gay upper-class students and first-years say the College remains an uncomfortable place to be out.

"Screaming, bigotry--blatant stuff is pretty few. The subtler stuff is pretty prevalent," Duchin says.

Last year, one out student says she had her door defaced and several students say they face little incidences of bias on a day-to-day basis.

According to the Harvard entry in The Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Guide to Colleges, Universities and Graduate Schools, "Unanimously, students believe that homophobia is a serious problem on the campus. Those responding report being victims of verbal abuse, assault and harassment. Moreover, all of the students have knowledge of hate crimes committed on campus."

"There was one incident in Matthews where I was putting up a poster for the Out and About Dance and was called a 'cocksucker,'" Roddy says. "I never even got to see their faces. I couldn't believe that this happened at Harvard University."

The homophobia may not always be blatant, but students say it definitely exists.

"Harvard may seem more open because there's no bathroom grafitti that says 'Die fag' like there was at Hunter," says Garance Franke-Ruta '96, a transfer student from Hunter College in New York City. "But.... it doesn't necessarily mean that people aren't thinking it."

Gay undergraduates say they find a relatively conservative campus, despite the College's reputation.

"Harvard is conservative, but at the same time it's trying to be politically correct, which doesn't necessarily add up to liberal," says Emma Cheuse '98.

The greatest pressure here, however, may be students' career ambitions.

"In my opinion, pre-professionalism is so rampant that people fear hurting their careers or their livelihood," Gideonse says. "There are so many closeted people on The Crimson, U.C., so many closeted gov jocks, so many people scared of what will happen if they come out."

"So if they eventually do come out, it won't be here because they are making contacts here," he adds. "I have a friend who cannot resign the fact that he is gay and wants to be governor of Massachusetts."

For first-year students who want to be out but also participate in certain activities, the choice is doubly hard, undergraduates say.

"There is more of an oppressive atmosphere for athletes because they are expected to fit in a certain type of role," says one Harvard athlete who is closeted.

"They are supposed to be extremely womanizing, boozing and socializing in that order," he says. "You get used to hanging out, boozing and going to the [Crimson Sports] Grille. You get used to the socializing and you can't break the mold."

Harvard's reputation as a more conservative school may be self-perpetuating.

"People who are out in high school when they are looking at colleges look very carefully at what the gay community is like at those colleges," Hobbs says. "I met a couple of freshmen who were out during freshman week who chose Yale or Brown precisely because of that reason."

But a school's gay scene is only one facet in the final decision. Gay students are drawn to Harvard because of its academics and also because of its proximity to Boston, which has a large gay population. One of the reasons that Cheuse picked Harvard was so that she could make a difference in its atmosphere, she says.

"I wanted to try to help people feel more comfortable with issues of difference and issues of sexuality," the first-year student says.

Other Ivies

The problem at Harvard is not in the University's administration, employees say. After heavy lobbying, Harvard instituted an anti-discrimination policy which included sexual orientation in 1985, before either Yale or Brown.

Harvard was the first Ivy League school to cover domestic partners under benefit plans, says Professor of Philosophy Warren D. Goldfarb '69. "The administration is very reasonable. They tend to listen to reasoned arguments."

In the past few years gay faculty comfort level has improved, Goldfarb says. "Six years ago I was the only one out. Now, the numbers have grown quite considerably."

But for students, Harvard is still lagging behind other Ivies in providing a friendly atmosphere for fi0rst-years and upper-class students.

At Yale, the entire first-year class is 1200, three-quarters the size of Harvard's but has 30 to 40 out first-years, says Gowri Ramachandran, a bisexual first-year at the New Haven school.

Among the Ivies, Brown is particularly well-known for having a gay-positive environment.

"My friend from high school who is also gay is in a freshman dorm at Brown with around 200 people," Hobbs says. "Of that 200, maybe 20 or 25 are gay bisexual or lesbian, as opposed to the same number for the entire class of Harvard."

Undergraduates say that one reason for the larger number of out students at other schools could be their active gay student organizations.

During Coming Out Week, the Yale gay community was extremely active, students there say.

"It was definitely visible. They had talk tents, tons of advertising, events throughout the whole week," says Evan E. Hughes, a Yale first-year. "They had a P.A. system set up in the central quad and people came up and talked about their experiences."

Harvard's resources for gay students are not as extensive as those at Yale or Brown, students say. While at Yale and Brown there are many student groups dealing with gay issues, at Harvard there are just two main organizations--BGLSA and Contact, a coming-out rap group.

"The support here is much better than I expected, but it's not over-whelming," Stephens says.

Others say BGLSA by itself can't answer all the needs of first-year students coming out of the closet.

"BGLSA's role is very unclear. It depends on who you talk to," Roddy says. "Some believe it is not as political as it should be. It's also a comfort zone for a place people can be out to a select group and for people who are not sure."

Some first-years say they would like a group that deals only with their needs.

"There should be a freshman forum for people who are thinking about coming out. BGLSA isn't so much a support group as it is an active student organization," Stephens says. "There needs to be separate resources for freshmen who are coming out and they need to be promoted and supported. As a result of that they'll be more accessible."

But despite their criticisms of Harvard's resources and atmosphere, the College's gay first-years say they do not regret coming out.

"In the middle of September, I had to make a choice of telling a group of people when I had never told more than one at a time. In interviewing for this article, I had to choose to tell the world," Steckler says. "The choice seemed like a difficult one, but then I realized just how simple it was. If I want things to change I have to stand up for myself and be counted. Now I'm standing up."CrimsonJennifer J. BaikTOMMY T. RODDY '98 finds that wearing his freedom rings are a good segue into his bisexuality.

Others did not make their decision to come out until they got to Harvard. Daniel Stephens '98 of Oakland, California had come out to only a small number of friends before getting to Harvard, he says. But he came out to his roommates during his second week at Harvard.

"At first I was worried that my being gay would scare people off it they found out I was gay before I told them. Now it's different because I realize that to fit in I need to make my place as much find it," he says. "I got a grip and realized that I'm in college to learn for myself and not for others."

Many students who came out at home found the experience difficult, they say. One out gay first-year requested that his name not be printed for fear of embarrassing his parents.

"If I were to return to my home country I would literally be killed," the student says. "Not only do my parents deny my homosexuality but they fear that anyone else in our community may even question it."

Tommy T. Roddy '98 of Columbia, South Carolina, who is half Black and half Korean, says his ethnicity may make his sexual orientation less acceptable.

"At first I was disdained by the Asian community for being half Black, but then I was rejected for being bisexual," he says.

Gavin Steckler '98, from Juniper, Florida, came out only this summer at home. "When I got here I was already settled in my mind as to how I would go about being gay," he says. "The coolest part about it was the most simple answer: I would be myself."

When he arrived at Harvard, he decided to tell his proctor group about his sexual orientation during the mandatory tolerance discussions with faculty.

"I was very, very nervous, because I had only told individuals up till then and I was not sure whether or not it was time to tell a group of 30 people at once," he says. "But what decided it for me was the fact that by probability there were other people in the room feeling the same pain that I had been through as a closeted homosexual. I felt my choice to come out to the whole group would help."

Steckler waited until near the end of the discussion before coming out.

"I brought it up as a point that had been ignored throughout the meeting--the discrimination against or acceptance of homosexuality on campus. And I announced I was gay. When I told the group, the reaction was surprise, but it was controlled and in a very positive way. It was a learning experience, because other people came up to me after the meeting and said, 'I've never met an openly gay person and I always thought certain stereo-types applied and you don't fit into them.'"

While Steckler came out to his roommates, others chose not to say anything.

"I never told my roommates. I just waited for them to know. I just carried on with my life. It's a part of my life. It's not my whole life," says Brian J. Saccente '98 of Roslyn, N.Y.

Campbell, who also did not directly tell his roommates, says, "It is rather unnatural to say point blank, 'I'm gay.' I didn't hide anything, but I didn't say anything."

For some, not being direct with their roommates caused problems.

"I didn't come out to my roommates beforehand and I regret it. The beginning of the year would have been a lot smoother than I had," says Roddy, who has been out since high school.

The large group of out first-years may result from a sort of domino effect. "There are so many freshmen who came one foot in one foot out of the closet and needed to see other out freshmen," Roddy says. "With this freshman class there were enough of a core group of people who are out to encourage other people to come out."

National Trend

The number of out first-years may also be part of a larger, national trend mirrored at other colleges: more students are coming to terms with their sexuality in high school or soon after.

"I think that the reason that there are so many out freshmen is that there are more people out in high school," Hobbs says. "I know I tell upperclassmen that I was out in high school and they're surprised."

Undergraduates say they definitely see a growing number of out students before college, and a more aggressive style of outness.

"Being part of the largest out gay freshman class represents the changing conditions of gay America," Saccente says. "I've noticed that on the whole, a larger gay visibility within the past few years has led to an easier coming out process for most of us."

It is this generation which has embraced the label "queer" instead of the more cautious "gay, lesbian and bisexual," says BGLSA Co-Chair Lin. "'Queer' symbolizes a newer wave of energy, more encompassing, more radical, more in your face. The older generation is 'gay.'"

At Yale and Brown, undergraduates say they have seen dramatic first year increases as well.

Chitra Ganesh, a junior and co-chair of a group for gay, lesbian and bisexual minority students at Brown, says, "There are more gay freshmen than ever before. I've, noticed that there's been a ton of new faces at the Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Association (LGBTA)."

The larger number of openly gay high school students is also clear in a new trend in Harvard admissions essays: prospective first-years are writing about the experience of being gay or bisexual.

"We don't keep records or track data," says Director of Admissions Marlyn McGrath Lewis '78. "But personally in the last few years I've probably noticed a few more who've taken up a gay topic."

One first-year who is a lesbian says she made a conscious choice to high-light her outness on her Harvard application.

"I wrote one essay on summer camp which I sent to nine other schools. It was a good essay, I got into all nine, but it wasn't going to get me into Harvard," she says. "Instead I wrote my Harvard essay on being out and being politically active."

Many students think revealing their sexual orientation can be a plus in a competitive admissions process.

"More and more people are putting queer things on their applications and are getting in because of it," says BGLSA Co-Chair Moon Duchin '96. "Admissions people see being out as a sign of character and maturity."

Lewis says that gay students get no special treatment, however.

"We are looking at personal qualities," she says. "It's not a diversity issue for Harvard."

Students are also increasingly open about sexual orientation on their applications for first-year housing at Harvard.

"More people are taking into account sexual orientation when writing their rooming applications," Middleton says, "whether if they are gay themselves or saying that they wouldn't mind a gay roommate."

For many first-years, the question of what to reveal and how was a touchy one.

"My mother was against the idea of being out on my rooming application. I did put in slanted references, though nothing explicit," Hobbs says. "I just said I was looking for a group of rooming people who were open-minded and liberal and open to different modes of life. I didn't even use 'lifestyle,' I just used life." Saccente says he came out on his rooming application because he felt it would be only be fair to his roommates.

"I want to have a living environment which is comfortable for me and my roommates," he says. "If I were to be in a relationship with someone sometime during the year, I want them to be comfortable with it."

Uncomfortable Place

Despite the growing presence of openly gay students in the Class of 1998, many gay upper-class students and first-years say the College remains an uncomfortable place to be out.

"Screaming, bigotry--blatant stuff is pretty few. The subtler stuff is pretty prevalent," Duchin says.

Last year, one out student says she had her door defaced and several students say they face little incidences of bias on a day-to-day basis.

According to the Harvard entry in The Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Guide to Colleges, Universities and Graduate Schools, "Unanimously, students believe that homophobia is a serious problem on the campus. Those responding report being victims of verbal abuse, assault and harassment. Moreover, all of the students have knowledge of hate crimes committed on campus."

"There was one incident in Matthews where I was putting up a poster for the Out and About Dance and was called a 'cocksucker,'" Roddy says. "I never even got to see their faces. I couldn't believe that this happened at Harvard University."

The homophobia may not always be blatant, but students say it definitely exists.

"Harvard may seem more open because there's no bathroom grafitti that says 'Die fag' like there was at Hunter," says Garance Franke-Ruta '96, a transfer student from Hunter College in New York City. "But.... it doesn't necessarily mean that people aren't thinking it."

Gay undergraduates say they find a relatively conservative campus, despite the College's reputation.

"Harvard is conservative, but at the same time it's trying to be politically correct, which doesn't necessarily add up to liberal," says Emma Cheuse '98.

The greatest pressure here, however, may be students' career ambitions.

"In my opinion, pre-professionalism is so rampant that people fear hurting their careers or their livelihood," Gideonse says. "There are so many closeted people on The Crimson, U.C., so many closeted gov jocks, so many people scared of what will happen if they come out."

"So if they eventually do come out, it won't be here because they are making contacts here," he adds. "I have a friend who cannot resign the fact that he is gay and wants to be governor of Massachusetts."

For first-year students who want to be out but also participate in certain activities, the choice is doubly hard, undergraduates say.

"There is more of an oppressive atmosphere for athletes because they are expected to fit in a certain type of role," says one Harvard athlete who is closeted.

"They are supposed to be extremely womanizing, boozing and socializing in that order," he says. "You get used to hanging out, boozing and going to the [Crimson Sports] Grille. You get used to the socializing and you can't break the mold."

Harvard's reputation as a more conservative school may be self-perpetuating.

"People who are out in high school when they are looking at colleges look very carefully at what the gay community is like at those colleges," Hobbs says. "I met a couple of freshmen who were out during freshman week who chose Yale or Brown precisely because of that reason."

But a school's gay scene is only one facet in the final decision. Gay students are drawn to Harvard because of its academics and also because of its proximity to Boston, which has a large gay population. One of the reasons that Cheuse picked Harvard was so that she could make a difference in its atmosphere, she says.

"I wanted to try to help people feel more comfortable with issues of difference and issues of sexuality," the first-year student says.

Other Ivies

The problem at Harvard is not in the University's administration, employees say. After heavy lobbying, Harvard instituted an anti-discrimination policy which included sexual orientation in 1985, before either Yale or Brown.

Harvard was the first Ivy League school to cover domestic partners under benefit plans, says Professor of Philosophy Warren D. Goldfarb '69. "The administration is very reasonable. They tend to listen to reasoned arguments."

In the past few years gay faculty comfort level has improved, Goldfarb says. "Six years ago I was the only one out. Now, the numbers have grown quite considerably."

But for students, Harvard is still lagging behind other Ivies in providing a friendly atmosphere for fi0rst-years and upper-class students.

At Yale, the entire first-year class is 1200, three-quarters the size of Harvard's but has 30 to 40 out first-years, says Gowri Ramachandran, a bisexual first-year at the New Haven school.

Among the Ivies, Brown is particularly well-known for having a gay-positive environment.

"My friend from high school who is also gay is in a freshman dorm at Brown with around 200 people," Hobbs says. "Of that 200, maybe 20 or 25 are gay bisexual or lesbian, as opposed to the same number for the entire class of Harvard."

Undergraduates say that one reason for the larger number of out students at other schools could be their active gay student organizations.

During Coming Out Week, the Yale gay community was extremely active, students there say.

"It was definitely visible. They had talk tents, tons of advertising, events throughout the whole week," says Evan E. Hughes, a Yale first-year. "They had a P.A. system set up in the central quad and people came up and talked about their experiences."

Harvard's resources for gay students are not as extensive as those at Yale or Brown, students say. While at Yale and Brown there are many student groups dealing with gay issues, at Harvard there are just two main organizations--BGLSA and Contact, a coming-out rap group.

"The support here is much better than I expected, but it's not over-whelming," Stephens says.

Others say BGLSA by itself can't answer all the needs of first-year students coming out of the closet.

"BGLSA's role is very unclear. It depends on who you talk to," Roddy says. "Some believe it is not as political as it should be. It's also a comfort zone for a place people can be out to a select group and for people who are not sure."

Some first-years say they would like a group that deals only with their needs.

"There should be a freshman forum for people who are thinking about coming out. BGLSA isn't so much a support group as it is an active student organization," Stephens says. "There needs to be separate resources for freshmen who are coming out and they need to be promoted and supported. As a result of that they'll be more accessible."

But despite their criticisms of Harvard's resources and atmosphere, the College's gay first-years say they do not regret coming out.

"In the middle of September, I had to make a choice of telling a group of people when I had never told more than one at a time. In interviewing for this article, I had to choose to tell the world," Steckler says. "The choice seemed like a difficult one, but then I realized just how simple it was. If I want things to change I have to stand up for myself and be counted. Now I'm standing up."CrimsonJennifer J. BaikTOMMY T. RODDY '98 finds that wearing his freedom rings are a good segue into his bisexuality.