Just a Little Friendly Competition

Once again, Fifteen Minutes combs the beach of the mighty sea of student publications. The following is a survey of what the tides have deposited at your doorstep this fall.

The Harvard Advocate, Fall 1993, Vol. CXXVIII, No. 1: Cinque Henderson '94 writes the magazine's "Notes from 21 South Street" on recent Nobel laureate Toni Morrison. He confesses, "...I collect Toni in every form available: pictures, posters, articles, essays. We've got signed first editions of all her novels except the expensive ones. We have her on tape--video and audio. We have copies of her only published short story, her only published poem. And we hang her all around the house." And if Cinque liked the President, the secret service would be going through his trash right now.

Perspective, November 1993, Vol. 10, No. 8: On page 4, a clip in the "Salmagundi" section discusses the case of Woburn Vending's sexist pinball game, "Machine: Bride of Pinbot." The editors wonder, "...what other types of conduct Woburn Vending would justify based on its profit potential. 'Machine: Club of the Sealbot,' anyone?" Of course, Perspective would be even more horrified by Machine: Final Club of the Cool People."

Amy Cooper's article on page 12, "Fat Isn't Funny," concludes, "...starvation, suffering, discrimination and social rejection are no laughing mater." Actually, Amy, add "beer" to that list, and you've got yourself some really funny hazing. Goooo, final clubs! Yeah!

Peninsula, November 1993, Vol. 5, No. 2: On page 5, the editors discuss the goals of NAMBLA (North American Man/Boy Love Association). NAMBLA works to end "...the extreme opression of men and boys involved in consensual sexual and other relationships with each other," and towards "educating the public on the benevolent nature of man/boy love."

Thank God Peninsula has exposed this "NAMBLA." I guess all that Mexican trade talk was a clever diversion. Those senators are gross.

On the back cover, Peninsula runs a subscription ad parodying the "Why Ask Why" Budweiser commercial: "Why are scissor sales up?" Why, to cut off penises, as they state on page 7. "Why does Alice Jardine have tenure?" A better question might be, 'Where will she teach now, since Kelly Bowdren's take-no-prisoners expose proves she's just plain loopy?' "Why does my girlfriend own a gun?" Because as a Guardian, I support the Second Amendment: the right to bear arms, and the right to barefoot and pregnant: Yeah, Peninsula!

Harvard International Review, Fall 1993, Vol. XVI, No. 1: Page 9 features a picture of a UN soldier soothing a Bosnian youth. Is he a servant of world peace or...NAMBLA?

Harvard Political Review, November 1993, Vol. XX, No. 4: The contents page features a photo of a former Canadian Prime Minister. The caption reads, "Loser Kim Campbell." No wonder she didn't get reelected, with a name like that. Man, she had nothing going for her.

Eric Baker '95 writes on page 21 about the Senate's attempt to lift restrictions on major league baseball team owners. Baker warns, "Without the right to tightly regulate its franchises, major league baseball would be powerless to prevent teams from hopping from one city to another. Longtime fans would be abandoned in the free market quest for profits." Good going, Senate. Thanks to that other bill you passed, my favorite team is going to become the Guadalupe Phillies. And George Steinbrenner is going to buy my younger brother to be his mistress. Wait. I mean--oh, save me, Peninsula!