Director's Notes on Jurassic Park

Now that I am a famous writer, director and producer of a smash-hit rock opera, now that I am practically blind from the flashbulbs of the paparazzi, now that I cannot leave my room except when disguised as a tree or a piece of cheese, I find that my adoring public has many questions for me. Like, "What went on behind the scenes of Jurassic Park: The Rock Opera'? Was there laughter? Tears? Hopes? Fears? Smiles? Sighs? Blackened? Eyes?" Rest assured, my friends, that there was all that and more. For example:

There was the time that one of the dinosaurs bit off Josh Lieb's legs 10 minutes before the curtain was supposed to go up, and we had to fashion a tourniquet out of Seth Mnookin's wig!

And then there was the time that Josh Lieb bit off one of the dinosaurs' legs nine minutes before the curtain was supposed to go up, and we had to fashion a tourniquet out of Seth Mnookin's wig!

And then there was the time that Seth Mnookin punched me in the nose for taking his wig eight minutes before the curtain was supposed to go up, and we had to fashion a tourniquet out of Seth Mnookin's wig!

And then there was the time that I by mistake inhaled Seth Mnookin's wig seven minutes before the curtain was supposed to go up, and we had to fashion a new one out of one of Josh Lieb's legs!

And then there was the time I choked on Seth Mnookin's wig six minutes before the curtain was supposed to go up, and we had to fashion a new writer/director/producer out of Josh Lieb's other leg!

And then there was the time Josh Lieb discovered he had no legs five minutes before the curtain was supposed to go up, and we had to fashion new ones out of Greg Clayman's fat-man suit!

And then there was the time when Greg Clayman was suddenly not fat four minutes before the curtain was supposed to go up, and I had to cough up Seth Mnookin's wig to feed him so he'd gain some weight!

And then there was the time that Josh Lieb, Seth Mnookin and Greg Clayman all quit three minutes before the curtain was supposed to go up, and I had to fashion new actors out of some audience members!

And then there was the time that everyone else in the cast and crew quit two minutes before the curtain was supposed to go up, and I had to fashion new ones out of my own sweat and tears!

But everything always came together at the last minute.

Erica L. Werner is the writer, producer and director of "Jurassic Park: The Rock Opera".