So How Does He Floss?

Dear Norma,

We are concerned about our roomate's dental hygiene. Each night before bed, he smokes a menthol cigarette and then retires directly to his bedroom. He half-jokingly claims that smoking a menthol cigarette is an acceptable alternative to brushing his teeth. Recently, however, we've realized this is no joke. In fact, we've seen no evidence that he even owns a toothbrush. We really want to help him, but we can't think of the right way to make him aware of our concerns. What should we do? Hushed about Brushing

Dear Hushed,

Why are you worried about his health? If he wants to rot his teeth, it's his business. If, on the other hand, his breath smells, then give him a toothbrush, maybe even two. Tack toothpaste ads up in the bathroom, and give him mouthwash as a present. Good luck.

Dear Norma,

Ever since Thanksgiving I've been having this weird dream. The turkey on the platter gets up, turns into a live turkey, and starts growing into a giant bird. It then starts talking to me and making moral judgments about my life, even about the person I'm seeing. I try and get the turkey to shut up but it won't. I try and run away but it follows me. I'm getting really tired of this. Is there anything I can do to make this turkey stop haunting me? I've tried sleeping with the light on, eating nothing but vegetables, everything I could think of--but nothing seems to help.   Terrorized by a Turkey

Dear Terrorized,

You seem to be suffering from a common disorder: the substitution of a large fowl for your parents. It's not so much that it's a turkey--it could be a large duck or swan--but the point is, it likes to moralize. And a moralizing turkey is the worst kind. Perhaps these are your own worst fears, fears that you can only face in this particular form--at least they're edible. It's obvious that the family-induced trauma of the Thanksgiving season has gotten to you. Drink lots of beer, engage in anti-family activities and these dreams should go away.

Dear Norma

I just slept with a really good friend of mine. I've always been attracted to her and still am, but now I feel uncomfortable about our friendship. I don't know how she feels and I don't want to bring it up with her in case she's as freaked out as I am, but I just can't get it out of my mind. I feel really awkward around her and I think she is avoiding me. What can I do to make everything back to normal?   Freaked out in Eliot

Dear Freaked out,

Don't worry. Just pretend like nothing happened and everything will be fine. This happens all the time, and it usually doesn't change the relationship. Unless, of course, you both start to feel awkward and find it difficult to see each other. But that rarely happens. Just don't bring it up, and if she does, refuse to talk about it; ignoring a problem always makes it go away.

Dear Norma,

I'm an undergraduate involved with a 70-year-old married man. I know I'm totally in love but my roommates keep telling me I shouldn't be mixed up with a septegenarian. They won't give me his telephone messages and they try to invite me out when they know he's free. I really like my roommates, but I don't know why they want to interfere in my happiness.

My boyfriend is sweet and mature, so unlike the guys here. I just wish they'd understand. I'm thinking of telling my parents about it but I don't want extra lectures from them too. Sure it's unconventional--so what? I think it's just ageism. Right, Norma?   In Love in Currier

Dear In Love,

My problem is this: it's not so much that he's a married man (adultery is 'in') but 50 years seems like a big age difference. If you can make it work, more power to you. My advice (and you did ask for it): don't tell your folks. As for your roommates, maybe they're jealous. Be patient with them.