The Campaign Poster Trail

At least the U.C. elections are good for something. After extensive field research, we have culled some of the more impressive campaign slogans. We hope they make you laugh. We're not so sure they should have influenced your vote.

Topping the list has got to be that of Quincy candidate Chris Hernandez: "The U.C. sucks. I suck for wanting to be on it. Dammit, I'm Chris Hernandez." In an age of slippery politicians, it's nice to see some straightforward rhetoric. We will soon know whether voters appreciate this display of campaigning honesty.

Up in the netherlands of Currier House, the following poster was spotted: "The U.C. touched me. I don't know what to do. Kick corruption in the face. Vote Austin So." Um, touching and kicking are not words we usually associate with the U.C., but hey, whatever floats your boat.

In Winthrop House, we are treated to a topten list by David A. Smith. Our favorites include: "4. He lobbied for the new stall doors in the Science Center bathroom...1. He 'feels your pain.'" Clearly, Mr. Smith is a politician with both a sense of practicality and deep compassion.

Also in Winthrop, we find support for political corruption: "Why should more dishonest representatives empty the U.C. coffers into other Houses? Elect Brian Malone. He'll loot for you! Your new futon is only a vote away!" Cynicism at its best. Pork makes the world go round..

Kirkland offered us a multicultural reason for political support: "Help me...Mein Schnitzel ist caught in meine Lederhosen. Ouch! Dairo Enrique Moreno for U.C." Mr. Moreno came through with another gem of a poster: "Vote Randomly." Truly this may be the best advice given in this campaign.

And a contrarian campaign was launched by a candidate known simply as Spiliotis: "No experience. (What are you looking at?)"

But, of course, our absolute favorite was the well-researched pork barrel campaign: "Want cable in North? Elect Randy Fine UC Rep."

They don't fool around in Foreign Cultures 62. After a lengthy and confusing lottery process, the head TF made the following statement in lecture: "I have the names of thirteen people here who registered for this class but didn't make the lottery. I'll have to ask you to leave..." This statement was met with muffled murmurs from the class, surprised at the harshness of the treatment.

A Crimson editor who was one of those thirteen took the hint. She went to obtain a add/drop form in order to rid herself of the class once and for all, but was told to come back the next day. When she was finally able to get the slip she discovered it had to be signed by both her concentration tutor, who didn't have an opening until the next Tuesday and her Allston Burr senior tutor, who happened to be away for the weekend.

The head TF was relentless, though, awakening the editor Monday morning with a phone call demanding that she drop the course. To compound the problem, the head TF's English was not the best, leading to a long and convoluted conversation in which the editor informed the TF that she was trying to drop the course.

To top it all off, the editor was fined for a late add/drop.

While the new senior class settles into its role as the cornerstone of the Harvard community, we'd like to expose the...

Top 10 Lies Told by Seniors

10. I'm not going to take the LSATs.

9. I just want to see if I can make it past the first stage.

8. Actually, I got a lot of thesis research done over the summer.

7. Just because I took the LSATs doesn't mean I'm going to apply to law school.

6. Just because I applied to law school doesn't mean I'm going to go.

5. I'm just going to take next year off and not worry about the rest of my life.

4. I've grown so much.

3. I can't wait to get out into the real world.

2. Of course we'll stay in touch.

1. You know, you can do a lot of things with a law degree.

Dartboard was compiled by Lori E. Smith '93-'94, Carolyn B. Rendell '94, David L. Bosco '95 and Brad Edward White '95.