It Was ONLY A DREAM

For the typical Harvard student, Halloween has lost its luster. In this month when lecture material gets serious, when the first paper deadlines lurk in the shadows, when the GRE and LSAT rear their ugly heads, October 31 is just not that scary.

And while Halloweens come and go, the daily stress of life in academia inspires nightmares all year long. Every-one experiences anxiety dreams--not just students, but administrators and yes, professors too.

Even Professor of Government Harvey C. Mansfield '53: "I have dreams about horrible goblins. [Pause] They're white. [Pause] And they have the appearance [long pause] of conventional opinions."

"I have them early in the morning," Mansfield whispers, "when things are at their lowest."

ABOUT LAST NIGHT

Those who claim they are nightmare-free are simply not remembering their unconscious fears, according to a therapist at University Health Services (UHS) who spoke on the condition of anonymity. "Everybody has them. The question is not `am I dreaming?' but `am I remembering them?"'

Senior Adviser for first-years Michael J. Middleton might be expected to have plenty of nightmares. But no: "I keep so busy I don't remember them," he says.

He does admit, however, that his worst fears would be realized if he were to wake up and find ``all the proctors gone, leaving me all alone with 1600 freshmen."

Even people who claim not to remember specific anxiety dreams will report knowing they have dreamt, says Associate Professor of Psychology Michael E. Hasselmo '84. "It has to do with waking patterns, how quickly the person wakes up out of REM sleep," he explains.

"Good Lord," exclaims Dean of Students Archie C. Epps III. "I don't have any [anxiety dreams]. I used to have one but it stopped a long time ago: I'm taking a math test and I don't know the answers."

But that was then; this is now. "I guess I'm so happy at Harvard I don't get them," Epps says.

10,000 FEARS OF HARVARD

What about the rest of the Harvard population--is it saturated with more anxieties than other schools?

No, says the UHS therapist. "There is a tendency for people at Harvard to think they do more or less than people at large. There's a certain amount of elitism in that that I don't subscribe to."

But Hasselmo points out that dreams about exam failure may be more common at Harvard. "[Harvard] students and faculty are highly motivated people and they put a strong emotional store in how they'll do on an exam."

Leon Tec M.D., child psychiatrist and author of Targets and Fear of Success, says that Harvard students and professors probably have as many fears as everyone else. Yet MIT might outrank the Real World and Harvard: While "people who have a good understanding of what is going on need not be more anxious," he says, "scientists don't necessarily have more perspective. MIT may have more people with anxiety dreams. There are more suicides at MIT."

IN THE BLUE BOOK, ON THE STAGE

Meanwhile, most Harvard professors are hard-pressed to come up with exceptional nighttime fears--or at least for the pages of Fifteen Minutes. What, then, goes on during REM sleep of the FAS? Tenure terrors? Frus trations with the Harvard Coop's textbookdepartment? Visions of walking into the FacultyClub and suddenly realizing they're stark naked?

Hardly.

Few want to appear unique in their dreamtopics: "Oh, you know, they're the usual type," isthe common response. "The usual type" of dreamsoffered by professors concerns the theme of beingunprepared.

"When you're not prepared, the natural thing isto be anxious," says Tec.

Like Epps, Professors Edward O. Wilson andPhilip B. Harper dream of not knowing the answers.

"I have the `I'm on my way to a final exam as astudent and I'm very anxious because I realize Ihaven't studied' dream. I have this a couple oftimes a year," recounts Wilson, who teachesScience B-15, Evolutionary Biology. "There'ssomething about being a student that stays with usin our unconscious, all our lives," he says.

Harper, an assistant professor in theAfro-American studies and English departments,also feels the lasting effects of student life:"Whenever I have this dream, it feels intenselyreal," he says.

One empowering night, Wilson recalls, he wasable to master his dream. "I stopped and said `Idon't have to take this exam. I'm a Harvardprofessor.'"

Even now, English professor Helen H. Vendlerfears unpreparedness in front of the class. "It'sa surefire occurrence, no matter how long I'vebeen teaching," she says. Vendler, rather thandreading catastrophe, says "the vigil night beforeclasses, I'm always anxious about the usualthings--coming to class without a book, notremembering a quotation."

Such anxiety dreams should seem all toofamiliar, suggests the UHS therapist. "Being aprofessor is very tied to being a student. In bothcases someone is going to grade you. Studentsdon't realize how nervous professors get beforegiving lectures. It's about performance and ego,so you have anxiety dreams about this."

Indeed, several professors, as well as ProvostJerry R. Green and Dean of Undergraduate EducationLawrence Buell, say they have experienced suchdreams of failure before an audience--oftencomposed of the harshest critics of all, their ownstudents.

Senior Preceptor in Romance Languages MarliesK. Mueller recounted the dreams that two of hercolleagues told her. "One had a nightmare beforeclasses started, that all the chairs are turnedaway from him and he has to start teaching to thebacks of people. Someone else had a dream wherethe students file out one by one and leave theclassroom." And this wasn't even shopping period.

Harvey G. Cox, Jr. professor at the DivinitySchool, is equally concerned with performance. Buthe dreams beyond Sanders Theater: he dreams ofBroadway, even the silver screen. "I'm in a playand I haven't memorized my lines. It's pretty muchthe same, sometimes a musical comedy, sometimes amovie, but it's always with all the audiencewatching," he says.

Despite the preponderance of dreams aboutunpreparedness and performance, a few professorialdreams defy categorization. Professor of ClassicsGregory Nagy, who teaches "Heroes," classifies hisown.

"I have two of them: one about fallingdownstairs, and another about crashing into thecar in front of me. I blank out on impact," hesays.

"What happens is reminiscent of a rhetoricalfigure--`aposiopesis.' It literally means that thecrucial word which is jarring or shocking is leftout, like a voice being cut off at the actualpoint of impact," he continues.

Verlyn Klinkenborg, lecturer in the CreativeWriting Department, is another faculty member withan unusual anxiety dream: "I'm driving across thecountry on a road trip. But I'm driving in thewrong direction."

WE HAVE NOTHING TO DISCUSS

English Professor Philip J. Fisher laughsnervously when asked whether he would care toshare his dreams. "No, I don't think so."

And Professor of Government Michael Sandel, whoteaches Moral Reasoning 22: "No, no. Sorry."

Tec has seen such reactions before. "Manypeople are reluctant to talk about [anxiety]because it invokes terror," he explains. "They mayhave a phobic reaction to that. Phobias andanxiety dreams go together."

The fear of the unknown also prevents opendream dialogue. "People are afraid of theirunconscious. People feel guilty they're not incontrol," the UHS therapist says. "If people dreamsomething that's violent or erotic or cruel,people feel, `is that a part of me?' instead ofsaying `what do you suppose this means?"'

SO WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

In spite of the volumes of dream studies andthe hordes of academics who have devoted theirlives to dream analysis, the interpretationcontinues to puzzle the experts.

The best expert might be the dreamer, anyway.According to the UHS therapist, "one is one's ownbest interpretor of dreams. A therapist can raisea lot of questions but I wouldn't presume to knowmore about your dreams than you do."