Only Fax the Facts

Disgusted with presidential politics? Have you grown cynical from the proliferation of obnoxious campaign spin-doctors? Well, read on, my weary friends. You may perhaps experience excruciatingly ironic delight from the following episode.

In case you were unaware, the Bush-Quayle campaign revealed its wicked soul during the debates. Did you watch the second presidential debate? No matter. The revelation emanated from various newsroom fax machines well before the debate even began. A campaign worker accidentally sent to some press outlets, including The New York Times, a copy of a memo intended only for Bush surrogates. The memo explained its purpose: "Read the talking points so you are aware of the Bush-Quayle campaign's 'spin' from tonight's debate." The memo was intended to provide a coherent theme for campaign spokespeople and supporters to employ when discussing the debate.

Although the memorandum was issued before the debate began, it declared the following: "Tonight was a clear win, a big win for the President...Bill Clinton came in a cautious and weak third place." Then after the debate, to confirm the conspiracy, the scripted words spilled obediently from the lips of Bush campaign advisers. All night they cawed in unison: "It was a big win for the President." "Clinton was cautious and weak," they astutely explained to whomever would listen.

The memo reminded the Bush staff of their desperate mission: "It is imperative that all surrogates are giving the same message." In other words, screw the truth! What about integrity, you say? Don't be so naive. This is a political campaign. Trivial concepts like truth and integrity are insignificant when compared to winning the right to occupy that fancy house on Pennsylvania Avenue for four more years.

To be fair, though, it should be noted that the Clinton-Gore campaign operates in a similar manner. The practical benefits of the almighty 'spin' clearly outweigh any moral reservations associated with maintaining personal integrity or preserving the truth.

Hence, politics is a disgusting business. It is a process which systematically disregards such fundamental concepts as truth and integrity. And realizing the way political campaigns actually function only serves to further disillusion voters. For the sake of Americans everywhere, I hope the Bush campaign will be more careful with its confidential memos. It is not healthy for Americans to be allowed such clear insight into the sordid nature of political campaigns.

Savor your disgust, my weary friend. Until November 3, it's the only way to endure.