Row, Row, Row Your Boat

MY MOTHER has stopped bragging about me. My father and sister think I am crazy, and my brother calls me stupid. My roommates have only come up with characterizations unsuitable for publication.

They just do not understand why I row crew for Harvard. Even more, they do not understand why I love it.

Crew is Harvard's ultimate challenge: unceasing physical exertion on the open river in the purest from of athletic competition.

In other words, I'm not crazy; the rest of you are wimps.

ISPEND nearly three hours a day, six days a week, at Newell Boathouse in order to prepare for five six-minute races in the spring. I keep going back for more exhausting practices that often leave me bleeding, blistered and sore. I even sacrificed a raffle-won Spring Break trip to Bermuda to enjoy a week of intense two-a-day practices on the sun-dappled Rio Carlos. All this despite the fact that I am not even that good at the sport compared to my teammates on the first-year lightweight squad.

So now I can set the record straight. Let's dispel some of the common misconceptions about crew that fester among Harvard undergraduates. Let's expose the patently false motives for rowing that have clouded the minds of casual observers at Harvard. Let's take Harvard rowers as they are and the rest of the College as it can be.

. I do not row because I desire pain. Even though I may have thought the same about rowers merely six months ago, this notion is downright stupid. Blood, blisters and soreness are no more fun for rowers than for members of the Society of Nerds and Geeks.

. I do not row because I suffer from a mental illness. I am a rational and chemically-balanced individual. I laugh at funny jokes and weep for mistreated baby seals and veal calves.

. I do not row because I like to stay in shape. I am a rower, not an aerobics nut. I am a member of Harvard crew, not of some fitness club that happens to emphasize crew-related exercises.

. I do not row because I want to impress women. Although a "Harvard Crew" jacket cannot hurt my chances with the opposite gender, I find this irrelevant. I began to impress women long before I began rowing or wearing Harvard crew paraphernalia.

. I do not row because I have an attitude or want an attitude. I am sick of bookish, insecure classmates accusing me and my teammates of arrogance for wearing crew gear, talking about crew and being friends with other crew members. I wear it because I am proud of it, talk it because I like it, and choose my friends for the same reasons everyone else does. So enough with the complaints of these thinly-disguised wanna-bes. Either join up or shut up.

But why do these misperceptions persist among the College's uninformed masses? Put simply, many Harvard students have never set foot inside a boathouse. They have never rowed a single stroke. They have never raced--sporting the Harvard colors--on the Charles River. They have never pushed themselves to succeed beyond their limits at the ultimate collegiate sport.

Many students, of course, showed up for the first day of practice to receive their "Crew '93" shirts. Some even stayed long enough to snag Harvard sweats. But most will never know crew at all. Unfortunately, that will not stop them from passing self-righteous judgment on a sport they just couldn't hack.

Instead of meeting the challenge of crew, my classmates busily build their resumes. They live for their dear student publications, involve themselves in the pretense of Harvard student government, organize themselves in self-billed nerd organizations, pass countless hours gorging their minds in Cabot Library and participate in other nice and pleasant self-improvement activities.

Of course, they do take time out from Tetris to go every year to the Head of the Charles and root for the home team, after stocking up on T-shirts, hot pretzels and beer. Thanks for your support, and enjoy those shirts. But we rowers know a poser shirt when we see one, and we know whom you are trying to fool.

It's not working.

So I refuse to apologize to my family and my friends for rowing. Nothing (almost) provides the same level of satisfaction as crew. And that's why I do it.

Go ahead, think I have an attitude Or, better yet, get out of the library an go try crew for yourself.