Mr. President, a-la Megabucks

FLORENZO DiDonato campaigns every time an election rolls around. It doesn't seem to matter to him which office he's running for. In last week's primary DiDonato, a local resident, was third on the ballot for President. In 1986 he ran for the 8th Congressiona! district seat. To my knowledge, he's never won anything, and it seems a shame.

It's too bad because he appears to be a really nice guy. He tools around in his van on election day with huge banners on the sides that say "DiDonato for"...He fills in the space with the current office he's running for, talks over the P.A. system mounted on top of the van, sings songs to the people on the streets, and reminds them to vote. He has a really good time. Last week he was singing "He's Got the Whole World In His Hands," and I for one really appreciated it. I've never had a presidential candidate sing to me before. He wasn't an especially good singer, but he seemed to mean what he was singing, and it brightened my day.

So why doesn't a guy who can make you feel good about the electoral process ever get a shot at the big time? If the Reagan years proved anything, it's that a person doesn't need intelligence or experience to run this country. Florenzo DiDonato is just an average Joe who would make a fine President, but he's denied his American birthright by a system that has grown wildly out of proportion to the needs of the nation.

I for one am sick to death of the way the presidential election is being carried on these days. The candidates don't inspire me, let alone sing to me, and I can't take much more of the endless bickering, endless polling or endless speculation by newscasters who need to fill six hours of their "Election '88" specials every primary day. The ability of the media to predict public opinion has taken the fun and luck out of politics. Under today's system there's no chance that we'll ever see the excitement of a surprise upset such as Harry Truman's win against Dewey in 1948.

Politics used to be entertaining. But now I find myself gagging uncontrollably each time I hear a candidate's $50,000 TV commercial explaining why I should consider the smiling bureaucrat to be "One of Us". The fact that these candidates happen to be human isn't enough. The day I find out that George Bush is related to me through any connection other than a purely biological one is the day I take a gun to my head.

Rather than simply complaining, though, I actually want to do something about this disturbing situation. I feel that our country has moved too far from the original concept that anyone can become President. People like DiDonato should have as much chance as an Al Gore or a Mike Dukakis. There's a perfect solution--one that would give the common people a chance to influence the system which governs them, that would open up the political process, and that would finally give us a President who could lead this country without first requiring that he sell his soul to the PACs, pollsters and TV ad executives.

Hold a lottery.

This wouldn't be a sleazy gambling type lottery, but something akin to the noble practice of jury duty. Every year the IRS's magnificent computers could be programmed to randomly choose the name of the people who would lead our country for the upcoming year.

Imagine the possibilities. No more would we have to suffer through hopelessly boring special reports on each state's primary. A lottery would inject the suspense and the excitement back into the process. Will the new President be Black or white, male or female, Jewish or Indian, rich or poor, intelligent or stupid? There would be no way to know, and this would make the system truly democratic.

No longer would we be subjected to months of the endless scrutiny of the candidates, their qualifications and their personal habits the media force on us. Now, there simply wouldn't be time. The whole thing could be done in a few hours. Nor would this hurt the media--the show could become a single night's entertainment extravaganza, like the Academy Awards. The networks could rotate the rights each year and charge the most exorbitant advertising rates ever conceived of. Ronald Reagan could be the M.C.

Also, none of the cost burdens would ever again be shouldered by the candidates, thereby releasing our public officials from any commitments they have made with PACs or wealthy supporters. They could be totally objective and simply work in the best interests of the country.

Because they would only be chosen for one year terms, our Presidents wouldn't have time to mess anything up, and, of course, our system of checks and balances would take care of anyone too off-the-wall. But the most positive aspect of the lottery would be the chance for different interest groups to win some representation. An Armenian President would focus on the Armenian situation in the U.S.S.R. and would have the means to talk to Gorbachev about the problem. An elderly person as President could strengthen Social Security during their term in office. A teacher could give lots of money to education. A psychopath could give lots of money to defense. No one could legitimately complain about not being represented anymore, because all would have an equal chance.

So let's start a movement for the common man; let the people decide. Write your congressman proposing a Constitutional amendment: the Lottery to Ultimately Mandate the President amendment. Let's make politics fun for everyone again.