Eight FAN-tastic NBA Season Facts

Before the NBA begins its regular season tonight, I will try to present some of the more pertinent facts that concern this year's season.

Fact number one: Street and Smith's has got it all wrong.

The cover of its inaugural NBA issue asks: Who's the greatest? The magazine gives the reader three options: Boston's Larry Bird, Chicago's Michael Jordan and Los Angeles' Magic Johnson.

My question to Street and Smith's: why these three players? Because they exhibit so much talent on the court? Talent should not be the only reason. The NBA needs character and personality.

Magic might have enough personality to pass the test. But Larry Bird?

When you talk about great personalities in the NBA, you cannot forget Utah Coach Frank Layden, whom the magazine didn't put on the cover, probably because he wouldn't have fit.

Okay, so he doesn't look like a first-round draft pick, or even a free agent from the CBA. And he probably belongs on Letterman with Larry "Bud" Melman instead on the Utah bench.

But Layden is a character, probably the greatest in the NBA. Put Layden in a joke competition with Bird and it's no question who will win.

That's greatness.

Fact number two: The NBA knows nothing about geography.

Maybe what they say about America being truly ignorant about maps is true. Consider the case of the Miami Heat, the newest members of the Midwest Conference.

What does the NBA want to do? Confuse our nation's schoolchildren?

Miami is about as Midwestern as Paris. Now, because the NBA didn't realize that yes, Miami is in the South, the Heat will have to travel more frequently to convenient locations such as Denver and Utah.

Ever see Rony Seikaly play with jet lag? Or Pearl Washington with bags under his eyes? This year, you will.

Miami will lead the league in frequent-flyer coupons and consumption of Vivarin.

Fact number three: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar will retire.

The man looks like Kermit the Frog. It's getting quite embarrassing, especially because most of the centers he faces this year used to idolize him.

But he's a legend, fans say. True, but do you actually think that a 42-year old can survive playing another season? This is basketball, not bowling.

Who knows, maybe he can pull it off.

Fact number four: The Los Angeles Clippers will win the NCAA Tournament.

Well, with Danny Manning, Charles Smith and Gary Grant, the Clippers should be the best team in the nation. Look for Los Angeles to easily capture the WAC, grab the top seed in the West Region and go all the way to Final Four.

With the type of year they will have in the NBA, the Clippers might be better off facing Georgetown.

Fact number five: The NBA has better highlight films.

Does any TV commercial compare with the "We Can Be So Hot" NBA spots?

What's more exciting, watching Dominique Wilkins 360 Mark Eaton for a two-handed slam or Orel Hershiser striking out Jose Canseco for the third time in a game?

Basketball is a rock n' roll sport. It plays well to music. Football takes too long and baseball is too quiet.

Fact number six: Portland's Kevin Duckworth is a big man.

The seven-foot, 270-lb. Trailblazer is the most improved player in the NBA and could become the NBA's newest superstar.

That much bulk is tough to stop in the paint.

Fact number seven: James Worthy will have the year of his life.

The MVP of the NBA Finals deserves a good year. Throughout his career, Worthy has played behind Jabbar and Johnson. If Worthy played on any other team in the NBA, he'd be a franchise.

This year, the Lakers need him badly. Worthy won't disappoint.

Fact number eight: The Celtics will find another way to win.

Do I really have to explain that one?

I didn't think so.