Ten Questions of the Universe

The Harvard football team's plunge from a pre-season favorite to capture a second-straight Ivy League championship to a league cellar-dweller has thrown my life out of balance. It has made me question the very foundation of society, even of science.

How can a team win the Ivy championship one year and return with essentially the same cast and be 1-3 in the league and 1-5 overall the next? What is it about the world, about science, that makes such a fall possible?

The failing fortunes of the Crimson gridders have made me question old principles, have made me doubt the assumptions I live by.

I present 10 questions that have been troubling me recently about the world of football and the world in general. I used to know the answers to all these questions. Now I am not so sure.

Is the Multiflex the greatest offense in the world?

Last year, when you heard Multiflex--the Harvard football team's offense--you thought miraculous. In the hands of quarterback Tom Yohe, running back Tony Hinz and company, the Multiflex dazzled, confused and ultimately destroyed opponents. Yohe operated the Multiflex like it was a strategic weapon, ready to level teams foolhardy enough to be on Harvard's schedule.

This year, the Multiflex produced seven points against Dartmouth (a team Harvard had defeated, 42-3, last year) and eight points against Princeton. Critics of the Multiflex have taken to the streets and are proclaiming, "The Emperor has no clothes. The Multiflex is a myth."

Does anyone read the Square Deal?

I used to think no one read this advertisement-laden publication. If you pick one up--and how often do you simply skip by the person who is handing them out, hands dug deeply in pockets?--you simply toss it in the nearest trash can.

Now, in the midst of my spirtual doubt, I'm wondering. Perhaps people read the Square Deal. Perhaps buried deep inside it is The Answer to All Questions. Perhaps the meaning of life has been sitting there all along, and I just haven't looked.

Is Alan Hall a decent kicker?

For a long time, I thought not. And I guess the Harvard coaching staff held the same view because last year he was benched in favor of Bruce Kotz, a fellow who looked more like a lineman than a kicker.

But this year, Hall has been--dare I say it?--good. He has made five of eight field goals and has converted all 12 extra-point attempts.

Can it be long before the New England Patriots, in desperate need of a decent foot, give a Hall a call?

Is George Bush a wimp?

I grew up thinking so. I thought so for eight years.

But wimps don't win presidential elections. And it looks like George Bush is going to win this one.

He was a wimp once, wasn't he? Is there some explanation for his sudden transformation into a Tough Guy?

Could George Bush be using steroids?

Is Tom Yohe destined to become Ivy League Player of the Year?

Yohe would have won the award last year if it had not been for Yale QB Kelly Ryan.

Ryan was a senior and therefore got the nod over Yohe, a junior, even though Yohe had a better year.

Last year it seemed obvious that in 1988 Yohe would become the first Crimson player to win Ivy League MVP since Jim Stoeckel in 1973.

This year Yohe is the second-rated passer in the Ivies behind Mark Johnson of Dartmouth. But he has thrown nine interceptions and just eight TD passes.

And he plays on a 1-5 team. A sure-bet has become a long shot.

Do you really meet interesting people on trains?

I thought so.

I've been on trains many times. True, I've never met any interesting people. I just assumed I was an unlucky rider. Not everyone sits next to an old woman who talks about her poodle for 300 miles. Not everyone sits next to a kid who punctuates his conversation about motorcycles with burps that smell of three-day old peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Right?

Will Coach Joe Restic win his 100th game this year?

At the beginning of the year, with Restic needing just five victories to reach the century mark, the answer was yes. The only question was when. Would the Crimson win five straight to start the season? Or would Harvard, like last year, fall to Holy Cross and have to give Restic his golden 100 against Brown?

Restic now has 96 victories. Harvard needs to win its last four games to give him the big 100.

Is Harvard the oldest college in America?

That's why you came here, right? The 350 years of tradition.

Did it ever occur to you, as it has suddenly to me, that someone may not be telling the truth. Perhaps Harvard was founded in 1736 or even 1836. How would we know? We weren't there.

Will Harvard beat Brown today?

Sure, sure, sure.

But, please, don't ask me to bet on it.

Is the world round?

That was the old thinking.

But now, now I'm not so sure. Perhaps it's shaped liked a football--which would explain why it's wobbling out of control.

Harvard hosts Brown at The Stadium today at 1:30 p.m. (WHRB, 95.3 FM).