Marshals of the Resume Parade

A senior at Harvard has many oppressive duties to undertake, but the most onerous of them must be voting. Not just for president of the United States, but for offices that really serve no useful purpose: Class Marshals and Undergraduate Council members.

One word can summarize these posts and their seekers: RESUME. Nowhere else will you find the largest collection of resume-stuffers in the world than on the ballots for these two elected posts. Class Marshal and the council are perfect: they require little time, but they sound like examples of leadership and responsibility, just what is needed for a job interview or that old fellowship application.

Imagine the resume entry:

Class Marshal. As Class Marshal for the Harvard Class of 1989, I was elected as part of an elite group of highly motivated leaders who embodied the spirit and talents of my entire class of America's elite students. I also devised ways for the senior class to have fun. Without me, this would not have been possible. 40 hours per week.

Undergraduate Council. As a member of the Harvard student body's sole government, I worked to pass legislation representing the views of the students, met with administrators whenever possible, tried to get quoted by the student press a lot and generally went on a massive power trip. 40 hours per week.

IN fact, the candidates don't really need help with their resumes--they've been building them for years and years. Take a look at the Class Marshal candidates in the October 4 Crimson. About 70 percent of the people with the little pictures and small type have at least four or more activities listed. Of course these activities have monopolized most of their time and energy--that's why they're able to do so many.

On face value, we've got an impressive list of would-be Class Marshals to choose from. These are people who are dying to spend their time counting your Commencement tickets, looking for your Class Day speakers, scheduling your parties and coming to every commencement and reunion from here to eternity. And with the qualifications they have, rest assured that our senior week will be the best ever, far outshining the pitiful efforts of the resumestuffers of years past.

After all, of the 106 candidates, more than 50 percent cited some kind of athletic activity, ranging from varsity sport captains to "Winthrop House Jello Wrestling Referee." Fifty percent also cited public service, with many also citing the time-demanding' activities of Crimson Key, the International Relations Council/Model United Nations, the Institute of Politics and House Committees.

DOESN'T it seem that the Class Marshal positions are destined for those who worry most about status and resume, i.e. Eliot House residents? At least Eliot seems to think so, offering the most candidates in both Harvard and Radcliffe contests--17 all together. Although they photographed beautifully, the Eliot candidates didn't really need the portraits--anyone who has ever walked by a final club would recognize them. It's just surprising that they didn't list their club affiliations. (Come on you D.U. and Phoenix members, did you think the voters would discriminate against you, the way you discriminate against them?).

Second place in the resume-stuffers race obviously goes to Quincy House, which offered 14 would-be Marshals. But they are very different from their Eliot colleagues--while an Eliot candidates seems to collect titles effortlessly, Quincy residents achieve theirs through sheer nervous energy. Undergraduate Council and model political organizations are the norm in Quincy.

Of course, the winners are all predetermined anyway, or that's what the Alumni Association--that great coordinator of the graduates from the World's Greatest University--would have us believe. Indeed, Diane Jellis, assistant director of classes and reunions for the Alumni Association, noted when she announced the finalists that, "There were no surprises. People usually know who will rise to the surface."

An interesting assertion. Sort of like the cream rising to the top (and I suppose the rest of the unworthy senior class is the curd.) I guess people can usually tell which candidates have worked with the Alumni office in various capacities.

Of course, the candidates all self-selected themselves. And isn't it true that greatness attracts greatness? Or is that just the impression garnered from the class marshals ballots, which seem to have whole rooming groups represented on them? Or maybe that's the impression one gets from always seeing many of the marshal hopefuls eating their meals together, or standing in big groups at parties together doing their best to appear happy?

PERHAPS by now, more members of the senior class probably wish they had spent the last four years preparing their activities and resumes for a Class Marshal candidacy. Don't worry though, it's not too late. You can take a year off and start afresh--all you have to do is follow these guidelines for the model Class Marshal.

Be loud and never stop talking so everyone can see how much you are in demand. The appearance of popularity is critical for an election that is based on popularity. Try to say hello to everyone you know, even if you've only met them once in a class you were shopping. Spot other possible marshal candidates and flock together with them at all meals and parties.

Play sports and join some kind of public service group. Don't worry, you won't have to do it for a long time, just enough to list it on your resume. If possible, join a model group that mimics real life, such as the Undergraduate Council, the Institute of Politics and the Model U.N. Joining a final club can also work for you, but only if you can get your clubmates to vote for you without letting the general populace find out.

The truly ambitious may create a ficticious but official-sounding class organization for the sole purpose of heading it for four years and meeting President Bok and other top administrators in the process. Barring this, you can always join such perennial and useless favorities as the Crimson Key and House Committee. Or you can join something important-sounding that few people have ever heard of, like the "Radcliffe Women's Leadership Project/Conference."

Remember, as this year's crop of candidates shows, don't get too attached to any one activity. Not only will it prevent you from studying, it will handicap your efforts to accumulate activities and positions and keep you from going outside and pressing the flesh.