Mark My Words

I got a letter yesterday from a Harvard sports fanatic. Unlike most sports loonies--who like anything from baseball to badminton--my correspondent only relishes Crimson hockey. Men's and women's ice hockey and women's field hockey. Nothing else.

He's so bored during the spring (intramural street hockey doesn't quite do it for him) that he sits around his house and pours over Harvard hockey statistics.

The Red Sox have just opened their season, but this fan isn't interested. He would rather figure out Lane MacDonald's goals-per game average while on the road in cities west of Cambridge but east of Detroit.

The Celtics are about to enter the playoffs, but this fan just doesn't care. He's too busy exploring the cosmological significance of Char Joslin's 2.22 points-per-game average in ice hockey and her .22 p.p.g. average in field hockey.

Professional wrestling has never been better and more action-packed, but don't ask this fan to turn his attention to king Kong Bundy's reign of pain. He's been too wrapped up in the strange and wonderful burden of choosing. Harvard's 1986-'87 All-Hockey team.

He writes:

"I know the concept may strike you as absurd, but because of my unique position as a fanatical observer of Harvard hockey, I felt it was my duty to present the first (so far as I know) All-Hockey Team.

"Some of my selections have already earned honors in their respective hockey arenas and playing fields. Others are completely unheralded. They all deserve recognition for their brilliant--and sometimes bizarre--achievements."

Who am I to argue? Here are his picks:

Left Wing: Forget his 37 goals, his 1.97 points-per-game average and his ECAC Tournament MVP Award. Men's hockey forward Lane MacDonald makes my team because of his smile. The kid's got a grin as broad as Detroit, I mean Duluth.

He also makes the All-Hockey squad because of his flashy moves. MacDonald is a hotdog without the dog. He can whip a puck into the net from anywhere on the ice. And he comes from Mequon, Wisc., which certainly makes the All-Hockey All-City Team.

Center: Allen Bourbeau is good (23 goals, 34 assists for 57 points and a 1.72 p.p.g. average) but Julie Sasner is great (27-19--46 for 2.00 p.p.g.). Both live in North House, but Sasner really puts Quadrophobia in the psyches of opposing goaltenders. After laboring on lackluster teams for her first two years, the junior helped lead the Crimson to a 10-0 Ivy record and the league tournament title.

Right wing: Please explain how someone can lead her team in scoring-recording twice as may goals as the second leading-scorer--and earn only a piddling Ivy League Player of the Week award for her efforts?

As a freshman forward on the field hockey team, Sharon Landau scored eight goals--six more than last year's team leaders and five more than Cindi Ersek, this year's runner-up. Landau seemed like a perfect candidate for Ivy League Rookie of the Year. The least she deserved was an All-Ivy Honorable Mention.

But no, Landau had to be content with a single, measly Ivy Player of the Week award while three of her teammates garnered higher honors. Landau need pout no longer because she's now a member of the All-Hockey Team.

Defense: I know you're thinking char Joslin and Mark Benning. A freshman and a senior. The perfect one-two punch.

Joslin led the women's hockey team in scoring with 26 goals and 25 assists. Her 51 points set a Harvard scoring record. Joslin also earned All-Ivy Honorable mention honors for her efforts on the field hockey field, making her the Team's multi-Hockey selection.

Benning finished his last season with three goals and 29 assists. He earned All-ECAC and All-America honors. What's more, he could be the team spokesman--if you'd excuse his discourse into Japanese history (Benning takes his East Asian studies seriously)--as he was a runner-up for a Rhodes Scholorship last year.

But the All-Hockey Team already has its share of high scorers and high IQ's what we need are some hard hitters who make opponents smart. Players who would show that the All-Hockey Team is made up of both prima donnas and matadors.

Hockey player Christine Burns may have scored only one goal this season (a game-winner against Princeton), but she didn't record a team-high 18 penalty minutes for nothing. she's an intimidator and an inspirer.

Field hockey player Leelee Groome also scored only a single goal. But Groome has the longest ground ball in the league. And when she lifts one in the air, heads duck.

Goalie: Going on straight goals-against averages, the choice is field hockey's Denise Katsias (1.44 g.a.a.) over Jennifer White (1.79) and Dickie McEvoy (2.22). On spirit, too, Katsias gets the nod over the other two. Besides Katsias has to play in all kinds of weather conditions--rain, snow or shine--and White and McEvoy know that they'll always have a solid sheet of ice under them."

That's all my correspondent wrote. But next week he promises to furnish an All-Net Team.