Frustration, It's Making Me Wait

The legend goes that Valentine's Day originated in the Dark Ages, when the Bishop of Terani and a priest in Rome were both jailed for their heresies during the prosecution of Claudius the Goth. Both] named Valentine. The two clergymen decided to launch a campaign for their freedom and wrote many letters to citizens. protesting their imprisonment. One of the two men became a saint and the tradition of sending letters on his birthday continued over the ages.

In medieval times, there was a reawakened interest in Valentine's Day, which coincided with the annual mating g of birds, presumably love birds. Lovers took this as a sign and made the day their own.

All of this fuss probably would never have happened at Harvard, where most students can only find love in the dictionary. But now we're stuck with it.

Over the cash registers at CVS are cards with loud purple cupids and bright red hearts, bearing the message, "Celebrate Love." All around Harvard are other reminders that tomorrow is the big V-Day. Couples, you can send singing telegrams to each other via the Opportunes, place a personal ad in The Crimson, give each other edible underwear.. in short, have a day of bliss. if you fall into this category, forget this article and skip to the price of roses in the box below.

But if you see love as never having to say you're sorry--for handing in a paper late--you are probably in the majority at Harvard. There actually exist a few, alright it's about 3500, students who have not yet found a long-term partner at Harvard for mutual "sharing and caring," let alone for exhilarating erotica. (Cupid is, after all the god of erotic love.) Not surprisingly, most students do not want to admit the sad state they are in and declined to have their names used for this article. Here are a few thoughts from cynics all over the campus:

"The whole idea of Valentine's Day and Cupid needs to be revamped. Cupid's arrow just won't do it for me any more. I need to get Cupid armed with bazookas to get the guy I want," says one Quincy House sophomore. Other undergraduates blamed their solitude on the unprepossessing selection of mates Harvard offers. "I go for older men, and the professors here just aren't receptive," says a sophomore from Eliot.

Valentine's Day here enjoys the popularity of the first day of exams. "Let's hear it for V.D.," remarks a male Adam's House senior. "It's a stupid holiday invented by Hallmark," says a Winthrop Junior. "Valentine's Day? How can you even compare it with the only holiday that really matters--Bruce Willis' birthday?" comments a male Claverly sophomore.

" Searching the streets of Boston in the middle of February for a gift is not much of an advantage over being single," says a female Winthrop junior. "Staying together until Valentine's Day isn't that easy either, believe me," adds her roommate.

"This holiday is just a painful ritual where you have to go through your little black book and worry about sending the right people the right things to keep them all happy," says a male Canaday freshman. "And this freshman dance is a pretty stupid idea. I'm boycotting."

"I'm just having problems finding a couple of cards that don't include the word 'love' in them," complains one male Quincy House junior. "I Just got rid of my Valentine. I'm sending her a dozen black roses," says a freshman.

So Valentine's Day for many is nothing more than one more day out of 365, perhaps with more than its fair share of hassle. "What about Valentine's Day? I don't know; I never think about it," says an Adams senior. "But I do have to deal with this girl, and so I guess I have to get her something . thanks for reminding me."

"I have no feelings about Valentine's Day. Whenever I do think about it, I remember my mom coming home from work and giving me a card and a small candy heart. That's all. The card just sat there," says an Adams House sophomore. "Valentine's Day of 1987 means nothing more to me than the 37th Anniversary of the Sino-Soviet Treaty of Friendship, Alliance, and Mutual Assistance," says a Winthrop Junior, who majors in Government.

Romantic Resorts

But for the lovelorn on tomorrow's joyous Day of love, do not despair. Several undergraduates have offered the following suggestions of things to do:

.For the athletically inclined: Vent your sexual frustration by working out at the Malkin Athletic Center. Who Knows whom or what you might meet? If someone else is there too, he/she obviously doesn't have a date ether, so you can afford to be direct. men, it might be a beneficial idea to bring along a spare flower or two, especially it you tend to use pick-up lines as unobvious as, "Hey, want to bench press my body?"

.For the entrepreneurs: Take advantage of those incapacitated couples so devoted they will invest in any Valentine's Day gimmick. Sell Valentine's Day Dinners at the Union. Couples could choose from sedate Seafood Salad Sweetheart plates or the more daring Luscious Lasagne Lover meals. Don't forged to stick a cherry-flavored Valentine " sucker" on top of each dish.

.For the musical aesthetes: Tune in to one of the several radio stations that play sweet, soft, sentimental love songs throughout Valentine's Day. Either become a Heavy Metal fan after an hour and spend the rest of your evening revamping your record collection, or have a contest with your roommate to see who can cry through the most Kleenex, write inspired poetry, and light a candle in the window for love and vow to keep it forever burning as Lionel Richie croons in the background.

.For the true-blue grinds: Just keep reading. You don't even notice or care about Saturday nights in general, let alone Valentine's Day. Or perhaps you're just severely inhibited.

.General consensus: Watch the Newlywed Game until you realize just how ridiculous those couples are. The amount of time that takes is directly proportional to the depth of your Valentine's Day Depression. Over three minutes and you're in trouble. Then figure what the hell, go out, and party. You're not missing much.

And after all, remember there is nothing that special about Valentine's Day. "There are seven days in a week, and 24 hours in a day, so anything can happen anytime, If you like someone, just deal with it. Don't wait around until Valentine's Day," says an Adams house sophomore. "And besides, if a girl's seen one flower, she's seen them all.