TV Guideski

HARVARD HAS LONG refused to build its undergraduates a student center, telling undergrads to make their own whoopie. With the introduction of Russian television into Collidge Hall, however, the University may have created the hottest fun spot on campus.

Prime time American television may leave you flat, but you've never seen the excitement of Soviet-style broadcasting.

When was the last time you thrilled to the romantic escapades of Overcoat Junction? How can your life be complete without watching at least one episode of The People's Court Martial? How about the wild and wacky antics on Saturday Night Censored? A rifle butt in the head to anyone who doubts the unbridled creativity of Soviet TV.

If you're still doubtful, just take a look at these Nielsenkov ratings stars.

For top-notch comedy, tune in to Laverne and Svetlana, which depicts the hilarious mishaps of two clumsy but endearing roommates who toil endlessly in a chemical weapons factory. A classic episode has Laverne turn Svetlana in to the KGB for questioning when she begins to suspect her of sabotage. The program ends with the two reunited, raising clenched fists and singing patriotic songs.

If that doesn't grab ya, check out Thirty's Company, a yuk-filled peek at Boris and Anna Porkachoff and their three children as they fight four grandparents, three aunts, and 18 cousins for bathroom privileges each morning in their one-room apartment.

In a slightly more serious vein is the comedy-drama Taxiing, where every week the crew of Aeroflot Flight 3 find new ways to amuse themselves and their passengers as they await permission to take-off from Minsk International Airport.

Heart-wrenching drama can be found in Comrade Ed, the touching story of a wise, talking horse from the Great Patriotic War who teaches neighborhood children the virtues of informing on parents, saving scrap metal, and mixing a fine Molotov cocktail. The final episode of this miniseries is particularly moving, as the children wave goodbye to Ed as he is dragged off to the People's Glue Factory.

ANY MISCONCEPTION you might have about the dullness of Soviet life will be dispelled after viewing Red Square Blues, a continuing series about an overworked KGB precinct station. A typical episode has Captain Furrihatski interrogating black market hair-mousse purveyors and agonizing over his rocky affair with People's Defender Ida Konvictya.

The average Soviet citizen is the star of Wheel of Fortunoff, hosted by the beautiful Vanna Red. Three contestants compete to decipher a patriotic slogan, spinning a wheel to win prizes such as a new potato harvester, a guided tour of Lenin's tomb, or a mink coat (with only a six-month wait). Competition is keen, as the consolation prize is a tanning session in scenic Chernobyl.

Soviet MTV is not to be missed. Every weekend video clips are shown from such Top Fourteen faves as "Every Move You Make," (by the perennially favorite group The Police State), "Dress You Up (in My Uniform)," "Girls Just Wanna Have Borscht," and "Dialectic Material Girl."

This stuff is out there for the taking, as soon as the viewing public of the free world is willing to ask for it. And in return, we could send the Russkis some General Hospital and Phil Donahue. After all, what could be better than All-Star Wrestling to increase understanding between nations?

Except, of course, Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous.