Pats-Miami: Two Hometown Boys Square Off...

The only thing more sickening than the thought of a New England Patriot-Chicago Bear Super Bowl is the possibility of a New England Patriot-Los Angeles Ram title game.

And in the unlikely event of the second scenario, the National Football League ought to take it upon itself to cancel the game.

For after last weekend's elimination of the Dallas Cowboys, the Los Angeles Raiders and, yes, even the New York Giants, anything less than a Miami Dolphin-Chicago Bear Super Bowl showdown would be a major disappointment to virtually all of America.

Sorry, Shish, but the concept of the New England Patriots in the Super Bowl is about as absurd as the concept of the Atlanta Falcons--or the New Orleans Saints, for that matter--in the playoffs.

Entitled to the Title

This has nothing to do with whether Pat's Pats deserve a shot at the world championship, though I doubt they do. Rather, it has to do with the fact that to deprive America of what it really wants, what it really needs--a Dolphin-Bear title game--would be akin to depriving it of a Yankee-Dodger World Series in lieu of a Mariner-Giant baseball battle, akin to depriving it of a Celtic-Laker Championship in lieu of a Cavalier-Maverick hoop hoedown, or akin to depriving it of an Ali-Frazier replay in lieu of a Tex Cobb-Ed "Too Tall" Jones boxing bout.

Anything less wouldn't be Super.

Or Duper.

As far as the line that America is tired of the same old teams in the limelight, well, I guess that's right. Ratings for a nationally televised Cavalier-Maverick championship game would approach ratings for a Celtic-Laker championship tussle.

In Russia.

It should be noted that it would be a crime to have the Patriots deprive the only team this year to topple the 15-1 Chicago Bears of another shot at proving that its 38-24 victory in December wasn't a fluke.

But maybe the most important point is that it would just be downright unthinkable to have one of the most uncelebrated teams in America celebrate its presence in the most celebrated game in America.

It would be even more unthinkable to have them play the Rams in that game.

But I'll tell you this. If by the stroke of magic, the Patriots do get to the Super Bowl, I hope--really hope--they play the Rams.

That way, I'll have absolutely no reason to watch the game.

All That JAZ is a Miami native