Good Guys, Bad Guys

THIS IS A MOVIE with bad guys and good guys, bad forces and good forces, and it isn't tough to tell who's who. What's tough is to try to figure out why this film actually exists.

For an action-adventure it lacks a single good chase scene. It fails as a high-tech extravaganza because the only impressive special effect makes the heroine's skirt blow up. And if it's a film about the newest hunk o' celluloid, there has got to be some necking, at least, but there isn't.

What's left is a comedy, a spoof of films about do-gooder killers a la Rambo, 007, and Dirty Harry. Remo, played by Fred Ward, has a little bit of all these guys. He belongs to a secret organization, is a Vietnam vet, and was once a tough cop.

But Director Guy Hamilton decided to take the task of creating America's newest hero a little too seriously, and any yucks are interrupted by painfully long periods of boredom. If Hamilton knew what an American hero was, at least there would be a sufficient amount of fighting and wise-ass remarks to keep the movie rolling.

Hamilton also, unfortunately, tries to create the impression that this adventure is only a beginning. Forgetting the chut/pah of the producers to think that people would actually want a sequel, Hamilton falls into the dangerous trap of creating a made-for-television movie introducing a new series.

Surprisingly, this movie has a thick plot for films of its caliber. On one level, the movie depicts the creation of Remo Williams, defender of the American way. On another, Remo wins his first battle with a bad guy.

The secret organization which recruits Remo hires a small Korean to teach Williams some humility and to train him in the ways of the greatest martial art. He learns how to eat rice and dodge bullets.

Meanwhile, the bad guys are fleecing the government by making shoddy products and overcharging on defense contracts. Grove Industries, led by Walter Grove and two lackeys, bribes bumbling generals and bumps off kids named Skippy.

The good organization, Cure, is run by a crotchety old guy named Harold Smith, played by William Brimley (The Natural). He has a computer which tells him everything that goes on in the United States, and what he's in search of is bad guys who are abusing the American system.

The American way of life has been corrupted by bad guys, who bribe politicians and don't get convicted of crimes. Cure, which is responsible only to the President, has been created to get rid of this filth. Let them meet their maker, as they say in the gun-slingin' trade.

Smith tells Remo he now represents the 11th commandment, "Thou shalt not get away with it."

If only this were true for the makers of this film.