Diary of a Madman

Leaving the Stadium Saturday, I kept wondering if the Harvard football team was putting me through some sort of psychological test.

It was a cruel, perverse test, ingeniously disguised as an ordinary college football game. In reality, though, it was a manipulative experiment that toyed with my emotions until I became a heap of broccoli cheese pasta, quivering on the ground and muttering, "If only ... if only."

The test began very simply. A large group of Harvard players jogged onto the field and got killed.

William & Mary, the fifth-ranked team in Division I-AA, demolished Harvard in the first half, taking a deceptively small 14-0 lead. The score easily could have been 28-0.

But that would have been too easy. The Crimson wanted the torture to be slow and especially painful, as horrible as the dreaded "Love Boat" torture used by some South American dictatorships.

So in the second half, the psychological test got really sadistic. It was a pain-threshhold experiment, measuring my resistance by jolting me with emotional shocks until I cracked.

The Crimson began to come back, scoring a crucial, amazing touchdown on a 51-yd. screen pass to Rufus Jones, which cut the lead to 14-6.

Then the Tribe went on the war-path again, driving to the Harvard three on its very next possesion.

There were two minutes left in the third period, William & Mary was threatening to take a 15-point lead, and the Crimson would be facing a stiff wind in the final stanza.

The skies looked bleak for the Crimson. Harvard had its back against the wall. The final nail was being hammered into the coffin, Sportswriters were mixing their metaphors.

Then, like Lazarus, the Crimson emerged from the tomb. Penalties and tough defense drove the Tribe back, and a fake field-goal attempt was thwarted.

More miracles occured. A fourth-and-eight scramble for a Crimson touchdown. A lefthanded pass for a two-point conversion and a 14-14 deadlock. A fumble recovery on the Harvard 12.

Oh, it was so, so cruel.

The Crimson looked like it might pull off an upset of Davidian significance. Harvard got the ball on its own 27 with just 3:40 remaining. All it had to do was drive 73 yards for the winning score.

On the first play from scrimmage, fullback Robert Santiago drove five yards ahead.

Then on the second play, Brian White handed the ball to Jones, who went off the right tackle, scampering ahead for 10 yards.

Then, coming from nowhere, a William & Mary defender stripped the ball from Jones' hands.

But wait! Jones picks the ball up, he's running with it ... he breaks one tackle, then another ... he's looking for daylight . . . he's all alone, streaking down the sideline . . . he's at the 10, he's at the five . . . Touchdown!!!

Players swarm the field! Harvard wins, 21-14! My pregame prediction was proved correct!

Yippee!!!

Editor's note: Bob Cunha was admitted to McLean Hospital Saturday evening for psychiatric testing. He is resting comfortably.